Monday, August 25, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

In the last Weekly before next week’s Monthly we select the final hottie/douchey couple to go up against Mooby Dick, The Hourglass and the Beachbag and, in an executive decision I just made, a substitute HCwDB of the Week winner, Squidward.

Yeah, I know Crapser The Douchey Ghost officially won that Weekly. But the vote was so close, and Crapser is just so damn icky, and Janice’s boobs are so Hello Kitty Perky, that I’m issuing a DB1 override. Hey, it’s kinda like Ohio.

But that’s next week. For now, here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Rime of the Scrotey Mariner

The Scrotey Mariner is your typical middle aged boat-choad with hotts in tow. The sneer and hand gestures say it all.

It’s interesting how the rage factor on the Boatbags always seem larger than should be, given their limited actual adouchrements on display.

Scrotey Mariner enrages far beyond his actual douchosity. Something about that Boatbag sneer. Makes me want to sucker punch a llama with goiter.

And the extensive lady pillow cleavite don’t hurt the hott side of the equation, neither. I can only wonder if they feel more like down or cotton.

Most importantly, who likes short-shorts?

I like short-shorts.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Primordial Ooze

For demonstrating how millions of years of cellular and genetic evolution don’t mean squat in the land of douchescrotia, The Ooze deserve recognition.

For dual matching, or at least similar, douche-faces, they deserve mock.

For two ambiguously quartasian hotts that I would dip in chocolate and fluffernutter and make oozy tasty sandwiches of curvy bouncy delight, they deserve to be shoved to the side whilst I sip mojitos with their grandmother in Sheboygan.

Yup. Making no sense. It’s Monday morning.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Gauntlet

A couple of things are holding back this pic from HCwDB greatness.

One, the uberdouche, while clearly ubersquat, is acting underscrote.

Smiling? Happy?

These things a douchebag does not crave.

Secondly, the lack of impressive hottness. The girls are milfy and certainly pass the 2am bar test, but do not elevate the way the Scrotey Mariner’s love cushions do.

Still, if you met this guy in real life, what would be the kick-in-the-balls factor?

Exactly. And that’s why he’s a finalist. A long shot, perhaps. But in the HCwDB of the Week, you just never know.

So them’s your three. Only one may emerge triumphant. By which I mean choady. Which of these three couplings has enough hott and douche to merit your vote?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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