Wednesday, August 20, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: The Hourglass and the Beachbag


For one of the most evenly matched Weeklies in awhile, the votes were tight. Hourglass tight.

But the sheer power of uberhottness carried a pedestrian run-of-the-mill douchescrote to a win in the Weekly.

Chac Monster at Ace Hardware explains:

Hourglass wins. Shes the smokingest Hott girl Ive seen on this site in a while, and because of that I hate the oily fungus-goober next to her all the more.

That is the key nexus of hottie/douchey enlightenment. Sometimes it’s the uberscrote. Sometimes it’s boobies you’d slap your grandmother for. crocodile douchedee agrees:

Hourglass & the Beachbag FTW her carmelized body of perfection carries his deflated pec pouch and hair plugs to victory

Well said, C.D. And robert waxes poetic on the sheer force of nature that is the Hourglass’s body:

Hourglass, without a doubt.

Most hotts that are seen making forays into the world of the douche seem like, somehow, they belong. But this girl…

She should be under a waterfall somewhere tropical. Her hips have magic in them. She revels in her curvy lust, a body that is pure sex. Watching her walk away would be like poetry.

For a douche like that to even be near a creature so pure of purpose is a crime. He is such a slave to everything around him. The spiky hair, the trunks, it’s all fashion. To see that effort rewarded with such a mystical, exotic beauty is just a shame.

Maybe they’re just friends.

Maybe they are. But maybe they’re not. And therein lies the pain. Heather continues:

I gotta give it to the hourglass and her be-spiked tumor.

She is everything that pure in the world of masturbatory delights and he is everything I wish to run over with my car.

And Lyndon Ladouche explains the power found between Hourglass and Beachscrote:

The other guys are far douchier, but those curves are an earthly shadow of the Islamic paradise. The fact that this average nothing is with her infuriates me more than the real douchebags who at least put on a show to hypnotze the hotts. Beachbag’s got nothing, and yet he’s still banging hourglass.

Its cosmically unfair and that’s ultimately what this site is about.

Indeed it is, L.D.

But the O-Prune came this close on the sheer power of douchal wrongness. Dunkterdouche zeroes in:

O-Prune takes the douche ball and run for a touchdown. Jesus tapdancing Christ.

I submit: White Belt, Not the ab point, but close enough with the Ab Encore (curtains open), bling, douche lips and sunglasses inside at night. And i kinda like pre-heroin Countney Love hot on the right who looks like she would do very dirty things to you. Not to mention quiet dominatrix Ukrainian spy hot on the left This guys might have to be in the monthly.

And Coco brings the female perspective and spins for DJ Scroteboy:

I really think you just have to add up the points here. The tilted hat, mandana, chin-up douche pose and that ridiculous tatt put scroteboy slim way over the top.

Scroteboy Slim definitely deserves a 2008 Douchie nomination for that tattoo, and the O-Prune for Orange. But, in this Weekly, the perfect form of Hourglass femininity at the beach was enough, next to an average choad, to create a douchal vortex. Champagne Douchernova explains why:

The others are truly more douchiferous than he, but his HOTT is a supernova of spooge extracting perfection. I would amputate my prostate, just to sniff the spot the truck that delivered her bikini parked in.

And wonkydonkydotnet fully loses his mind trying to comprehend this pic’s wrongness:

I have it on good authority from Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson & the forensic auto metallurgists, that Hourglass’s Groin has in-fact caused Quasar Mrk421 to go Supernova, vaporizing everything within 4 light years of it, and her hips simultaneously have rent asunder Steve McQueen’s Bullitt Mustang at the molecular level from 3,000 miles away, like some Class 5 mutant having an orgasm.

Well said, WDDN.

Make room for the Hourglass and the Beachbag. Those hips and curves might just carry this Standard Issue Jerzbag to a win in the Monthly. They’re that tasty.

# posted by douchebag1

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