Sunday, August 17, 2008

Reader Mail: WWE Proto-Douchery


Baron Von Goolo asks:

—-
Dear DB1 –

Much in the way that disparate cultures shares common mythologies – the Hercules/Samson/Gilgamesh stories being an exemplar of this – that are assumed to have a common point of origin, how much blame would you lay at the feet of ubiquitous, jet setting billionaire, Vincent K. McMahon, and his lumbering, idiot juggernaut of a half-brother, the WWE, for the common strains of douchebaggery that are consistent among mall-grade douchebags, clubrats and other 25K millionaires in every culture, all across the globe?

With all the traveling they do, even supposing that The Miz and John Morrison were the only carriers, you’d still achieve an Andromeda Strain degree of ‘baggery within a single ratings sweep, wouldn’t you?

BVG

P.S. Forgive me if you’ve already covered this question in the Douche Modernity section of your book. Even though I do have my own copy near and handy, I’ve yet to read it. I’m what you call a ‘visual learner.’
—-

The Baron brings up an important point about performative douchosity in the realm of the theatrical. There are a number of levels of forgiveness for those who make their living performing as a ‘roided up uberscrote within a staged or performative setting.

Thus, W.W.E. performers earn a nottadouche by the nature of their business. This also applies to some successful rock stars (not including John Mayer).

However not all performers are exempt from douchal categorization. Boy Bands are an automatic stage-4 violation. But there is a road for redemption even for the dreaded Boybag.

Some, like Justin Timberlake, began as a shining ball of douchal plague, and slowly gained a sense of humor and self deprecation enough to earn at least minimal forgiveness. Timberlake’s ESPYs gig was hilarious.

But the road from performative simulation-douche to actual scrote can also be gone down. If you starred in Predator, for example, and your last name isn’t Weathers, Black, Duke, or Stereotypical 1980s Hott Vietnamese Female Victim, you evolved from simu-douche into actual douche.

Yeah, I’m looking at you two, Body and Ahnuld.

# posted by douchebag1

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