Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Ask DB1: Jet Poo


—-
DB1, I have a serious problem.

I work at the airport as one of those shmucks that load luggage onto the planes. Yesterday while loading a plane (bound for Newark, no less) as I was stacking one of the bags, there was a faint pop and then the distinct scent of some sort of Axe-type body spray or deodorant. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of being in the cargo bin of a DC-9, but there’s not a whole lot of space. I was essentially trapped in this douche fog for a good 20 minutes.

Now here is the problem. When I got out of the bin, I noticed my hat was tilted a bit sideways.

No big deal, I thought, it just got pushed around while I was stacking that luggage. But to make matters worse, somehow the top 2 buttons of uniform shirt came undone as well. Then on the drive home, I noticed there was a Kid Rock song on the radio and I didn’t automatically change it like I normally do. I’m freaking out a bit.

I mean what’s next, do I wake up with my hair inexplicably gelled and my skin orange? Or do you think this will clear up on its own as long as I don’t expose myself to anymore masculine deodorant spray?

Help me DB1, you’re my only hope.
– Douche Springsteen

—-

Yikes, a Stage-2 Grieco Virus Infection, clearly contacted by close proximity to Vinny’s luggage.

Shower at once, D.S. Then put on some classical music and relax. Then get me a set of thirty weight ball bearings, some three-in-one oil and some gauze pads. And I’m gonna need ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably, Prestone. No, make that Quaker State.

# posted by douchebag1

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