Friday, September 26, 2008

Friday Thoughts and Links


BREAKING: Natalie Portman no longer Dating a Yeti.

Ah, Natalie. My tiny bottled brand name water of hott. My little jello shot of perfectly formed Librarian Glasses Wearing Brunette. I would put thee over my knee and softly paddle thy upper thigh area with my collection of vintage Hot Wheels cars until you asked me why I was using words like “thee” and “thy.”

And I’d stop, and apologize, and get you a Mr. Pibb from the kitchen.

Come to me, Natalie. I will regale you with made-up stories about my adventures on the high seas battling pirates and whales, and then we’d make out while watching Mad Men.

Speaking of Semitic Hotts, Sarah Silverman may be quirky and odd, but she still Gefiltes My Fish. Now that she’s dumped Jimmy Kimmel’s ginormous melonhead, I’ll add her to the list of those who will find their inner thighs softly paddled by vintage Hot Wheels cars.

Congrats to our newest enshrinement in the hallowed Hall of Scrote Fung, listed below his earlier formulation as a Prompa. And congrats to HCwDB of the Week winner, I Say, Old Chap, who will fill in admirably in the Monthly.

As of this morning, the Hot Chicks with Douchebags book was #10 on Amazon’s “Literary Theory” bestseller list, directly between Walter Benjamin’s “Reflections” and a book on philosopher Giordano Bruno. My life is complete.

And lets not forget The Slim Trim Razor, for that perfectly coiffed douche-face.

Los Angeles smells like burnt umber. But it’s sunny. And everyone’s happy. So who am I to complain.

# posted by douchebag1

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