Monday, September 15, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

Extremely tough week to cull down to three finalists. There were at least six or seven worthy pics. Good thing I’m aided by a mean ‘Train hangover and a tasty bowl of Lucky Charms. Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Sideburn Harry

He’s a little “pro” in his douchery, but the innovative Sidekick Pose + Self Portrait is too scrotally innovative to ignore.

And let us not forget Maria, who came here from Peru to seek a better life working at the Macy’s Flagship store in Manhattan.

Yes, she may be pushing early 30s. But, as I am a magnanimous sort, I would still bite upon her toesies while reciting nursery rhymes in Sanskrit.

It isn’t her fault that she ended up getting mugged by a greased up tri-shaved ubertool.

Well. Maybe it is her fault a little bit.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Kenner

Like two plastic action figures hanging on the pin at that old Child World store in Framingham, Massachusetts, Kenner and Jenny are a form of proto-robotic HCwDB.

Do they have Kung-Fu Grip?

Are they packaged with a free Pokemon Disc?

Would I hump Jenny’s lower thigh area like a broken automaton that was wound too tight at a 19th Century street fair in Astor Place?

Yes. Yes I would.

Nice chest shave, jackass.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Acey Douchey

Aces up, for a classic Chicago Ubersquat.

The only thing holding this pic back from sheer hottie/douchey genius is the “pro” nature of the pose.

A little too much self-referential ironobaggery. It’s like post-post-modernism. Unlike Still Life with Coors Light, the signifiers betray critique as much as inspiration.

But we’ve honored other “pro” ‘bags on the site. Like The Gator.

And the gun, money, vodka and kissy lips all earn serious douche-points, no matter what the intention. While the dual hotts offer curves of deep sociopolitical introspection.

In addition to these three Finalists, we had a number of pics last week in consideration for the 2008 Douchies, including the Great Googley Moogley of Four Points, The Mugging (which also features a great rant from the people in the pic in the comments thread), Jimmy’s Hand, The Neverending Story’s Bastian, and the quarter bouncing tautness of the Moon Pie.

And lets not forget the odious DJ Bello, who deserves some form of recognition. And by recognition, I mean crotch leeches.

But these are your three. Which coupling has both hott and choad in dialectic to force an ideological reexamination of the self, The real, and cultural hierarchy?

That, fellow ‘bag hunters, is up to you. Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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