Monday, September 22, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

You ever play butt bongos with a rusty Pringles can and a spork? Yeah. Me neither. Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: I Say, Old Chap

Oi there, guvnah! Yer yarbles got their own bloody coat of arms on ’em, eh?

Okay, I can’t talk in Cockney Britspeak anymore.

She is delightful librarian smiles, albeit with inexplicable tweety bird matching hip tatts. I would trek across the Adirondaks wearing only a sheepskin legwarmer just for the chance to mulch the birch bark off the tree that once provided shade to her great aunt, Bertha.

He has Wolverine Douchitude in spades.

Although no tatts. I guess 1890s Britain wasn’t into the tatt thing.

But for Wellsian time traveling creepiness and douchey Vegas hair, Old Chap had to get a shot in the Finals.

And by shot, I mean look kids! Big Ben! The Parliament!

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Mencken

At first, you’re probably stunned into submission by the high Bleeth factor on both girls. You think, “This pic is all douche.”

True.

While the hotts are both so ‘baguetted out as to be unredeemable, their inner hott does remain.

Like a footprint.

Or an acoustic echo.

So while they still render the pic the toxicity of true hottie/douchey wrongness, there is the glimmer of a better world lost to the dark plague of dark douchebaggery.

Plus, the lifting of shirt with mouth to reveal ab may be one of the most innovative douche maneuvers since The Peach Point.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Fung

What more can be said about this strange, eerie, almost otherworldly pic of all that is wrong and greasy in our culture?

The uberdouche is overwhelming. This pic will be used someday to teach 3rd graders in a “Scared Straight” anti-douche seminar.

And all the while, that little Anna Pacquin Rogue Cutie sitting nonchalantly in the background.

It’s sort of like smoking a cig and checking your cell phone while standing next to Chernobyl.

This pic has to be the favorite, but does it have enough to pull off the victory?

And by pull off, I mean chin fung.

(Dis)honorable mention to the uberdouche lineup in A.S.O.W., who simply lacked the hott to make finalist status, the perfection and poo of The Ass and I, The Brothabags and OC Hotts of Summoning Cthuthlu and the perfect boobies of The Four Horsemen of the Douchepocalypse.

Damn fine week of submissions, props again to all ‘bag hunters who sent in pics. But three may enter, and only one may win. Which one? That’s up to you.

Cast your vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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