Monday, September 29, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

It was a moderate week for hottie/douchey toxicity last week. Between the Fung Debates and Fish Slap’s Nipple showing up to haunt our collective zeitgeist, our selection of new pics was lessened. But three solid hottie/douchey finalists have emerged, and here they is:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Douche Zak

There’s a sneaky fungal quality to Zak’s scrotewankery. His disarming smile and wee man status may throw you off at first.

But note the blingin’ earring and necklace. The sideburn giving way to a second, chinstrap facial hair configuration drawn thinner than a storyline in an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical.

And let us not forget Dutch Windmill’s Klogs of Copenehagen perfection.

I would discuss the Uncertainty Principle with Heisenberg and Bohr while we watched the canal boats drift languidly by the Scheepswerf Bierenbroodspot.

And then I would hump Camilla’s kneecaps like a cracked up anteater after rainy season.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: He Rides the Short Boat

The Short Boat may be your standard issue G.R.E test taking DeVry class of 2011 engineering major.

But to pull four uberhotts while making standard Boatbag Tongue Gesture #12 deserve finalist status.

True, Short Bus doesn’t inspire rage the way many other douchewanks do.

But there’s enough to annoy. At least mildly.

Still, the hotts may have to carry Short Bus to victory, as the vague “I’d like to push him overboard” urge is only moderate. Stage 2.

Maybe, stage 3 now that I look at it a bit longer.

Because those Bramble Tatts are douchetatt wrong like a smack to the butt of a Nun named Catherine.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Sad Clown

There’s a certain genius toxicity to this hottie/douchey combination that defies explanation.

What forces brought an eyeliner wearing member of Ringling Bros. Barnum and Douchey Circus into the willing embrace of a pearly white Southern Peach of Banana Milkshake Ice Cream Holy Boobie Pie Daughter of a Southern Pentacostal and Hates Her Father Hottie?

I do not know. But the Sad Clown knows.

And wonders if his starring performance in Jerry Lewis’s The Day The Clown Cried will ever get released on DVD.

Probably not, Sad Clown. I hear it was pretty offensive.

(Dis)honorable mention to Pooper McGee,Don, and Carlos Finds Love, all of whom just missed the Finals.

But them’s your three. Three enter, but only one may crown itself “HCwDB of the Week” and earn the final slot in next week’s Monthly.

Which’ll it be? That’s up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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