Wednesday, October 8, 2008

HCwDB of the Month: Acey Douchey


Once again, an epic discussion thread and vote from all our ‘bag hunters. For those who don’t like pop-ups, it can be read here.

Staged or not, faked or no, A.D. and the Cabana Hotts were a combination too hottie/douchey to be denied.

But before I turn it over to the voters, let me just add that while there may be some DJ irony at work in this pic, no one, and I mean no one, goes to this much trouble without cultivating the very uberdouche they’re playing with.

tag’em and bag’em: Acey- I heard someone say this earlier …but iam going to repeat it…. The dude has one glove on!!!

ms. east: I vote is for Acey Douchey. He makes my skin crawl. Even a month later. F@#king douche.

de-ouche ex machina: I went back and forth between Old Chap and X-Lax until upon deeper investigation of Acey Douchey I noticed that he is trying to impress me with $32. Take that gun that you clearly don’t know how to handle and shoot thyself Acey because you just got my vote for Douchebag of the Month.

chuck jones: Acey is a living halloween costume.

buffy the scrotebag slayer: Oh hell. I forgot about Acey Douchey. My poor brain must have eradicated his image from my memory in order to prevent any permanent damage. Alas, he has returned to me, with his one glove in tow as well. I don’t see how he couldn’t win the monthly. As the saying goes, “There is an ounce of truth in every joke.” Even if this photo was staged, he is still an epic douche.

marita: Inventory: gun, wad o’cash, giant stupid watch, vodka, one girl with 7 STDs, one girl who needs to go back to her Business Management class, headphones, one biker glove?, a…. playing card… in his mandana…? I think this choadskin is making new waves in douchebagdom. Actually, I don’t think he’s real. It’s the only way I can sleep at night. But he has my vote.

crocodile douchedee: Acey Douchey needs his kissy lips ripped off with a cheese grater…He’s on a different level and deserves the monthly.

homoerectus: acey douchey. God, I hate the kissy lips. Plus the gun, the glove, the per diem and his hotts are really hot. By hot, I mean slutty.

The debate will rage on into the 2008 Douchies as Acey Douchey and the Cabana Hotts vie for the ultimate hottie/douchey prize.

But, stepping in for Fung, who jumped straight to our hallowed Hall of Scrote, The Old Chap and Tweety Librarian Hott found fans. shamspear the magnificent explains:

I’m going to have to vote for Old Chap. Everyone’s been saying that he isn’t douche enough, but he has chest stubble for Christs’ sake. They say he’s just trying to be ironic, but people who are doing that usually show some kind of embarrassment or awkwardness. He’s not smiling nor does he look ashamed of himself. He looks like a Doucheasaurus.

Indeed he does, StM. marmadouche agrees:

Old Chap. Like I growled on another posting, he is an insult to whippets and Italian greyhounds everywhere with that skinny-ass body and cabana blue and white stripe Speedo. At least he’s not smiling. His hottie librarian mistress is though, but nobody is sure why. I’d like to chew on her glasses and hump her thighs.

Yes. I too would like to “chew on her glasses and hump her thighs.” Well put, marm. And don makes the case for The Short Boat, which also found solid support:

On the other hand, The Short Boat he cannot contain his douchiness because it is a singularity with his inner being…it emanates from his Qi…he is a genuine douchebag. In two, five, ten years…alas, in twenty when he is coaching his little sperm puke’s soccer team he will still be standing on the sidelines as douchey as ever. We do not select the winners, they select us: The Short Boat. P.S. By the way, did you notice those eight melons in the boat? Egads!

Yes. Yes I did notice those eight mellons on the boat. And Kenny agrees: shortboat FTW, cause how can he ignore the beautiful fawn of the brunette in the back. I would sing her love songs in indonesian dialects just for a chance to catch her attention a few moments.

Well sung, Kenny.

Poor X-Lax. So little support in the monthly for the orange every-choad. kiernotkier explains why Acey Douchey gets the prize:

I have to go with Acey Douchey. He has so many of the trademark DNA strands of douche: chin pubes, kissy lips, the double headlock of hots, shirtlessness, Bono-esque sunglasses, oversized bling, mandanna and the bottle of vodka/point at the camera combo.

Plus he has some new additions that I am sure will catch on in the douche book clubs and mensa meetings this season: card sticking out of mandanna, one biker glove and a handgun.

He is like this year’s model douchebag that all the Bleeths want to receive under their Christmas tree. It’s the same old douche as last year but with new packaging and a few additional accessories that trick the Bleeth into thinking it’s new and improved while it is still just orange and pooey.

Great work from everyone who took time out to vote. But only one coupling could triumph, and that coupling is Acey. We’ll see his gun totin’ pseudo-staged ass in the Yearly.

# posted by douchebag1

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