Wednesday, October 29, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Chumlee


The voters spoke, and the hott/douche combo of Chumlee was too much to ignore:

The Scroatian: It’s gotta be Chumlee. His outfit and scissor-eye pose is supa-douchey. And those funbags on Beatrice would keep me entertained for many moons.

patentbrew: I have not voted often, but I feel I must this week because you have three such worthy candidates, yet one very, very clear winner, Chumlee. What the eff is that hand gesture? Not to mention the melons on Beatrice are ridiculous.

turd ferguson: His K-Fed-meets-Ratboy puss coupled with a single infuriating streak of grey in his hair makes death by falling meteor seem like sweet, fiery relief by comparison. And, oh, yeah, he’s doing the Batusi. Flush.

anonymous: It’s Chumlee – Cut Print, check the gate…

jonathan: chumlee – may he die a slow and terrible death, and may it somehow be related to scissors.

guyladouche: Chumlee, FTW. I’m going to go squat in a corner and cry now. Then daydream of fondling CL hot’s sideboob and giving it chafe marks from my 5 o’clock shadow rubbing on it.

anonymous: Chumlee’s hot is the most boobtastic, but man cannot live on boobs alone. Wait! What am I saying? Of course man can live on boobs alone.

orangabag: I was going to vote the Kreep but Chumlees super douchey Vogue hands make me want to fart in his general direction.

Well said, panel. Chumlee’s annoying “model” pose and Beatrice’s hotness, were too strong to overcome. That being said, there was some debate about Beatrice’s potential for unseen largeness. medusa oblongata responds:

And as far as questioning the possible size of Beatrice’s unseen caboose, let us remember that HCWDB is not founded on principles of speculation and theorizing, but on hard evidence. In this case, silky, bouncy evidence. If we stick to what is encased in the frame, we see a glorious display of siiiiiiiidebooooooooob. I would snuggle down on those pillows and coo contentedly. That doesn’t make me gay. That makes me awesome.

Chumlee FTW!

Excellent argument, M.O. but how is your name not “Medoucha Oblongata”?

However, there was strong support for both Italian Sausage / Asian Melon Salad, and The Kreep. The ever-present anonymous reminds us that Italian greased up bodybuilders pointing at their yang with amply endowed Asian hottness should not be overlooked:

italian sausage FTW. this asian hott strikes my fancy on a level that makes me draw mustaches on all of my fingers in hopes that one of them impresses her enough to let steal her baby cones from wendy’s.

Well said, Anon. I’m not sure I understood that, and yet it makes sense. business casual douche agrees:

Italian Sausage, for the win. The hott is truly exceptional, in spite of her not-that-revealing clothing, and the douche himself… well I want to slap him across the face with a baby seal.

And ceegee agrees:

Are you kidding? It’s not even close. Italian Sausage is OILED. And Shin-Lau’s back is ARCHED. I would lovingly awaken and floss a grizzly bear during hibernation just for the chance to find her leftover Snickers bar wrapper in the bear’s jaws.

Yes. I, too, would search for that Snickers bar wrapper. And Amanda brings the Hottie Perspective, casting in for The Kreep:

I vote #2. That guy is just so totally gross. The slicked-down, no-definition body and the rancid hair make my breakfast crave resurrection. And can we all chip in to buy the poor thing in the middle a sandwich?

But Chumlee was far too strong to be defeated. And by strong, I mean douchey. idahohottpotato takes it home:

Chumlee ftw! I think I actually have the shirt, necklace, and scarf he’s wearing in that photo… and I’m a chick. I want to scrub that K-Fed scruff off his face, and then ask his hott if those turquoise-covered mounds are real. She wouldn’t answer me of course, but I’d still stare at them like a barn owl hyped up on a triple mocha latte.

As would we all, IHP.

Book a ticket for Chumlee and Beatrice in the Monthly. They’ve earned it. And by earned it, I mean silver streak and large bouncy boobie boobs.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 12 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)