Monday, November 10, 2008

HCwDB of the Month

Here it is. The last HCwDB of the Month before the 2008 Douchie Awards in mid-December. Who will earn the final slot to compete in that most coveted of all Douchie Awards; The 2008 HCwDB of the Year?

That, as always, is up to you.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Brian Earlicker and Lila’s Alzadoes

Yes, there is the “porny” vibe in this pic, and porn-types are usually disqualified for living a life of auto-douchery and constant “exposure” in every sense of the word.

But there’s something authentic here.

Authentically skeeze. A genuine moment of all that is wrong when douche mugs hott.

And blocking the football game with a nasty-ass tongue lick makes Brian Earlicker a contender.

Lila has wonderful Alzadoes. Yes they are fake. But they are also healthy and sing harmonic Disney songs with little bluebirds on their cleavite.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Chumlee

Chumlee brings that annoying greasy “model” type of ‘tude.

Plus the ferret facial fung, scoring a +3 on the alliteration scale.

And lets not forget the sexy, if zaftig, Beatrice, who brings large succulent baby feeders into play. Like Lila, the fake mamms are convincing enough to confuse a hungry toddler.

But it is Chumlee’s subversive douche that is truly rank. The D-neck t-shirt, the gray shock of hair, and the hand pose just ramp up the scale even further.

Finally, we must remember the guiding principle of this site. The proper hottie/douchey pic has a spectrality of douche. The desire to punch through your screen and slap the unholy combo occurring before you.

Tell me you don’t have that urge here.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Last Dragon

There is so much wrong in this pic, it’s hard to even comprehend the 1980s matte-effects work that render the glow into nostalgic filmic douche of yesteryear.

First, lets stat with Douche Leroy.

The Sisqo white hairdo.

The bloody t-shirt.

The neck scar.

The leather wristdanna.

Then there’s Greta. The stern, emotionally dysfunctional hott whose traumatic period in Catholic School has made her so angry. Yet so naughty. Yet so perky.

Combine them, and the smell wafts of poo.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Samurai Scrote

The legend. The myth. The icon.

Samurai Scrote has acquired quite the cult following, with disciples running in the tens of ones.

Samurai Scrote’s legendary thread announces the power of douchery to transcend mere physical hand gesture or facial expression.

Samurai Scrote controls his douchery with the power of the mind.

Samurai Scrote understands that sequined Laura has a sexy girl next door thing that makes you want to bite into a seal at SeaWorld until it “arfs” in minor annoyance.

Samurai Scrote forgives you this desire.

For she is a slender island of salad dressing. An iceberg wedge of blue cheese joy.

But is having a cult following enough to win a Monthly? Or will one of the other toxic combos rise up and triumph in a sea of douchal poobaggery?

That, fellow ‘bag hunters, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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