Thursday, December 11, 2008

Douchie: Orangest Orange

Here are your nominees for the 2008 Douchie Award for “Orangest Orange” (non-Fung division):

Orangest Orange Finalist #1: Artificial Douchetelligence

From July comes the alien robot sent from the future to turn us all orange.

A.D. was a Weekly winner whose shot at immortality was hampered by less than quality hotts to balance the equation from his crimson ridiculousness.

Still.

Note the paint-splatter jeans. The hybrid white/stud belt. The classic “ab reveal” move. The “blue steel” expression. Kimmy and Kimberly are up past their bedtimes, clubbing it up in Manhattan because their “stepmother is a bitch.”

But this is the Orange Douchie category. And for that, plus a creepy alien belly button, A.D. is a formidable entry.

Orangest Orange Finalist #2: Millennium ‘Bag

Our second robotbag in the competition, Millennium ‘Bag made his impact way in early February, and we’re still recovering from the shaved patterns and shellacked hair fwip.

And poor Ute, whose small high school in Antwerp never prepared her for the club going Ed Hardy wearing Crimson Robot type.

Millennium ‘Bag is douche for a new Millennium. As such, he is not to be trifled with.

His Orange Face harkons back to all sorts of offensive pasts, and his neck scar implies a recent tune-up.

But enough to take the coveted Douchie? That remains to be seen.

Orangest Orange Finalist #3: Night Oranger

Orangehead!! What’s your price to tan?

Also from February, Night Orange brings creepy, lip-herped, vaguely cave-manish Fratdouchery to the Orange finals.

Also threee confused, perky coeds.

Plus an American Express card taped to his book case in the back. Don’t leave home without it.

Night Oranger is the stealth Orange, the type you might actually run into on the street. At which point you’d likely proclaim, “Ahoihoi! That man is orange!”

Yes. Yes he is.

Orangable mention to those who just missed the cut, including Oompa Waspa, Freshman Girls, Orange Crush and HCwDB in the Middle Ages.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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