Wednesday, December 17, 2008

HCwDB of the Year

It is on. Here are your finalists for The HCwDB of the Year Douchie Award for 2008:

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: Droopy McScrote and Surfer Kelly

Gangsta Droopage and Toned Surf Hott for the win in the semis and the first slot in our Final.

Taking down vaunted Fratbag Tighty Armani as well as poseur jerkoff Acey Douchey, the sag of the Droopster and the perfection of Surfer Kelly’s toned abs were too powerful a dialectic to ignore. Doctor Douchelittle explains:

Droopy/Surfer Kelly FTW.

This bracket is practically a bye for the mammoth car smash that is the Droopster. The most extreme contrast between douche and hott ever seen.

I’d spend several hours discussing the relative merits of Tupac and Vanilla Ice with Droopy just to smell the residue of SK’s aroma on his shoulder.

Well said, Doc D. With one single pic, these two could take the prize.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: The Metaphysical Hooligan and Carly Hott

Taking down the mighty Pepsi drinking Bra!! and freakish spectacle of Mooby Dick, the power of wrongness between The Hooligan and Carly was simply too strong. Jed the Avenger explains:

Hooligan for the bracket. I will seriously doubt the douche-recognition skills of everyone if MH isn’t in the top 3 of the year. He makes me want to drop kick kittens.

And, at it’s core on this site, finding that place of rage will lead us to enlightenment, Jed. Mike agrees:

The Metaphysical Hooligan is just too much, and paired up with Carly it is the most serious affront to human dignity.

Indeed. Our second power-couple of Hottie/Douchey wrongness earns its well deserved spot in the Finals. And let us not forget their “body” of work, here and here.

For those who doubt the merits of Carly Hott, those pics should satisfy the requirement.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: Deathtongue and Quartasian Mia Sara Hott

Our most “real world” of the finalists, Deathtongue stands in for every slimy choad you knew in college who was pulling hottness way outside of his league simply by being a, well, a huge douche. And don’t forget Pic 2.

I’ve adjusted the contrast slightly to bring up Quartasian Mia Sara Hott’s sparkling eyes and also Deathtongue’s ridiculous blowout hair. Skyler explains the power of this combo:

Deathtongue. You need a hott to balance out the HCWDB. He’s got the hott. He’s got the douche. He’s the real deal.

And Douchewater Blonde explains the reaction that Deathtongue inspires:

Deathtongue! His hott is so totally hott, and DT himself dares, DARES to infect her goodness with his salivary sandpaper. I wanna shake this guy by the tightly held neck until he finally gets it.

He may never get it, D. Blonde.

I don’t need to rehash the rest. This is the Finals. This is it.

You people are prepared. Prepped.

You’ve studied the candidates. Now make your choice. Which coupling most embodies all that this site stands for? Which coupling holds the greatest dichotomy between confused masculinity in the age of spectacle and innocent hott seduced by its wily, scrotey and poo-smelly wrongness?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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