Monday, December 8, 2008

HCwDB of the Year: Bracket 1

It is on. The 2008 Douchie Awards begin today.

The moment where you determine the outstanding hottie/douchey pics of the past year. Here’s your finalists for the first Bracket in the HCwDB of the Year Category:

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1 (Bracket #1): Tighty Armani

Way back in early April, the douchey metal chained tight t-shirt smirk-wearing T.A. wormed his way into our collective trauma by headlocking a Doe Blonde of Angelic Hottness.

In addition to the smirking douche-face, T.A. brought the “scissors” hand gesture, and a Toolshed best friend, Bob.

T.A.’s win was not a fluke.

He made numerous other appearances over the year confirming his choadery, as seen here, here, here, here, and here.

T.A. brings that clueless “Bra-esque” fratchoad quality, as well as a tasty blonde hott as counter-balance. His mug is punchworthy, and she is delectable.

A true hottie/douchey coupling worthy of the Finals.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2 (Bracket #1): Droopy McScrote and Surfer Kelly

Unlike T.A.’s body of work, Droopy McScrote has only has a singular body. Of sag. Only one pic on the site. But one is all you need to cause the “Collective Regurg.”

He is all that is creepy, awkward and stretch-marked as guys old enough to know better try to look “gangsta” to hang on to a distant, fading youth. It’s over, Droopy. Over.

With awkward tatts, rings, hand gestures, red underwear and all sorts of indecipherable bling, Droopy was an instant sensation when he first appeared on the site back in July to win a Monthly.

His taint has not subsided.

And what of Surfer Kelly? She of the perfect tanned munchable stomach, perfectly curved arms, delightfully strong legs, and wonderful smile?

She is all that is Healthy in Copenhagen. He is all that is Poo in Peoria.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3 (Bracket #1): Acey Douchey

A fraud?

A fake?

Perhaps.

A douche? Certainly.

The Monthly winner in October, Acey Douchey has engendered significant debate about the potential for fakedouchery to remain legitimate as douchewankery.

Can someone who has gone to this much trouble to look like a choad while mugging two chiquita hotts still qualify as legitimately ass-kick-worthy?

The debate will rage on, but Acey Douchey has made it this far.

And now he’s up for HCwDB of the Year.

Will he win? Is the money + Belvedere + Kissy Lips + Single Glove + Gun(!) be enough to take the whole enchilada? Is sexy/sweet White Bikini Senorita getting paid by the hour to pose with this tool, or is she on a flat rate? We shall see.

So them’s your first bracket. Two more brackets to come to determine the final three. Remember to consider both extreme hottery and rancid douchery in each pic in dialectic, in conversation, before rendering your judgment.

Which of these three deserves to win Bracket 1 and make it as a Finalist in next week’s final HCwDB of the Year vote? That, fellow ‘bag hunters, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread. And let the Douchies begin.

# posted by douchebag1

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