Friday, December 12, 2008

HCwDB of the Year: Bracket 3

Here’s your third and final Bracket in the semifinals round of the coveted HCwDB of the Year 2008 Douchie Award:

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1 (Bracket 3): Deathtongue

From back in March, the sheer tongue-licking power of the greased up Deathtongue combined with the ubermeltinghott perfection of his Quartasian was a perfect vortex of everything this site was set up to explore.

Deathtongue’s lick is so enraging, so infuriating, and Mia Sara Hott is so ridiculously hott, they defeated both He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks AND Millennium ‘Bag.

Impressive. Most impressive. But they are not HCwDB of the Year yet.

Deathtongue was helped by a second pic which not only increased his scrotal taint, but increased Mia Sara Hott’s lithe honeysuckle rose eye-melt hottedness.

She is joy. Pure, bottled joy. He is your typical suburban choad multiplied by twelve thousand. Nice blowout hair, Licky.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2 (Bracket 3): Samurai Scrote

Samurai Scrote, he of the Zen Stare, Reservoir Dogs suit, extremely tasty arm candy Carolyn, and comments thread approaching 8,000 posts, is an HCwDB icon.

For in many ways Samurai Scrote is a template by which we project our own hopes, dreams and fears.

As Lev Kuleshov demonstrated during early Soviet Montage experiments, Samurai Scrote can intercut with any number of images to create meaning. As such, he is legend.

And Sparkly Carolyn is popsicle tasty. And I’m not talking that cheap grape popsicle they made us eat in After-School. I’m talking premium popsicles.

Dole.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3 (Bracket 3) Gabehcuod

The first Monthly winner of 2008, Gabehcuod appeared in January and won the Monthly in February.

Named for the shrub-maze hair shave first seen when little Danny runs through it in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, Gabehcuod is the “Redrum” of douchebaggery.

And Maid Marion wins points for a bodice-straining top and a firm yet healthy bod. She is stern PTA attending young-mom hottness.

Factor in Gabehcuod’s awkward belly grab move, and subtle yet punch-worthy douche-face, and the urge to slap a ferret is high.

But enough to win the Bracket by taking down Samurai Scrote and Deathtongue? That remains to be seen.

Which of these three couplings offer the rank/hott dialectic enough to make it to the HCwDB of the Year Finals?

That, fellow hott lovers and ‘bag mockers, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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