Monday, December 15, 2008

Hottest Hott of the Year

In the category of “Hottest Hott” your 2008 Douchie Award nominees are:

Hottest Hott Finalist #1: Zippy’s Eurohott Princess

Slender, brunette, with coquettish smile that hints of summerland rainbows just after an early morning sprinkle in the dewey fields of bluegrass, Eurohott Princess is a spongecake delight with tasty frosting.

EHP appeared with Zippy back in May, and together, they won a Weekly.

But it was mainly on the strength of the Princess’s sultry stare and swollen boobosity that sings harmonic melodies of flutist birds in birdland.

Her smile says, “Come to me, DB1. Come to my apartment and water my plants and bring my mail in while I’m out of town on a modeling shoot.”

And I would. Because I’m a sucker.

As to Zippy himself, to paraphrase Douglas Adams; so long, and thanks for all the Phish.

Hottest Hott Finalist #2: Carla from “The Sweathog”


Carla didn’t get as much love on the site as I’d hoped, as in my book, she’s a spicy ethnic porcelain doll that causes rice riots in the Kingdom of Bhutan.

From Late September, Carla’s sweet smile and ample basonga-gongs have stayed floating through my subconscious like a hydrogen filled Macy’s Day Boobie Balloon.

Here’s two more pics of perfect brunette hottness, here and here.

Yes, she’s not the conventional blonde, but her eyes sparkle and shine with all that is transcendant in meditative practice.

And yes, large mamms make the ferrets do the hoppy hop.

I don’t know what that last sentence means. I think I’m getting loopy.

Hottest Hott Finalist #3: Deathtongue’s Quartasian Mia Sara Hott

Already in contention for the 2008 HCwDB of the Year, Deathtongue’s Quartasian teeth melting hott is a rare finalist in the other category as well. From February, QMSH has kept us warm all year.

While the HCwDB of the Year considers dialectic between boobie and choadbucket, Quartasian Mia Sara Hott would be a finalist in a Hottest Hott on her own in any year.

She is limber perfection.

Pouty, with spankable bottom and peanut-butter lower back area.

But let us not forget Deathtongue. Making a charge for HCwDB of the Year with Quartasian on his arm and crutches under foot.

But the Hottest Hott asks us not to ignore the douche, but to downplay his role in this decision.

Hottest Hott Finalist #4: April from April’s “Where’s Waldouche?”

From back in April, April has the elegant detachment that sends men in their early 20s into drunken fights in the parking lot.

She speaks broken English, and may be the second Eurohott in the competition. Or she may be from Boulder, Colorado, heck if I know.

There’s no real douche to speak of, just some creepy guy in the background with two-tone hair who may or may not be the lost member of the Thompson Twins. Hold me now.

But I digress.

And by digress, I mean April’s slender angularity makes me happy happy joy joy.

This category is always the most subjective. I eliminated some of the beauties who appear in our sister-hott categories (Most Expensive First Date Hott and Golden Globes) to give as many pouty little marshmallow fluffy boobie hottie suckle thighs a chance at glory.

Honorable mention to Ask DB1: Hott Speak, who only missed the cut because I already had too many blondes and I’m a brunette guy.

All four of our finalists are worthy. But which is worthy enough for the mantle of Hottest Hott of 2008?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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