Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Most Expensive First Date: Hamster Hott

The everpresent anonymous unleashes his past traumas in the comments thread:

—-
Hamster Hott. She’s what all these fellas have said, she’s hot, and she knows it. She drives a better car than you. But she has crappy expensive tastes, Yamashiro, Ketchup, etc. And you just got a new job so you figure, hell, might as well show this girl the real good shit, even if I have to pay for 22-dollar drinks. You take her to Osteria Mozza and you’ll need reconstructive ass surgery after that bill, but she’s impressed.

Now that you’ve impressed her, you think you can relax, so you take her ice skating to see the skyline downtown. $20 bucks max you figure. She’s surprised at how cool it was, especially since they didn’t have bottle service, like they do everywhere she goes. But the night is young and she sees a restaurant she’s never been to, because naturally it’s not in Hollywood. So you go in and the place looks expensive, your ass quivers. The bill comes, you cry inside, but you pay. And right before you leave, she decides she wants some water to go. Voss you say? Nah, not at this joint. They only carry “Finé”, that’s Japanese for, expensive ass water. It’s like she’s slapping you in the face for trying to go cheap on her.

But the piece de resistance: Lion King Tickets. You wanted to impress her, now you find that the prices are outrageous. You bite the bullet and go in, plus drinks, parking and all that other crap. Good thing she’s super hot you think, and she smells so nice, then the way she moans when you hold her from the back and push her against the wall. Then you kiss her neck from the back. I would die to hear those moans again.

Now, when you bang anything less than an 8.5, you are almost disgusted with yourself. You had that 9.5, but you couldn’t afford her, even with your new job. *yells our her name*

True story.
—-

The pain only a haunted image like that of Hamster Hott can invoke. Congrats on a well deserved 2008 Douchie Award.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply