Friday, December 12, 2008

Most Expensive First Date Hott

Here are your nominees for the 2008 Douchie Award for Most Expensive First Date Hott:

Most Expensive First Date Hott Finalist #1: Swedish Hott from “Swedouche Meatballs”

June’s Swedouche Meatballs are our first entry in the Most Expensive First Date category.

All the way from Sweden, you just know Maria won’t even bat an eyelash until at least a five star dinner is followed up with overpriced bottle service at the cheesiest club in town.

Note her polite Paid-to-Pose posture as the Yellow Wristband Swedouche Meatballs make their moves.

Do not be fooled. The Paid-to-Pose Hotts are the hardest to pursue.

As such, I’d sell a kidney on the Madagascar organ black-market just for the chance to watch her flirt with the Maitre’d at Chez Quiz.

Who’s about to get snooty. Snooty? Snotty. Snotty?

Most Expensive First Date Hott Finalist #2: Hamster Hott from “Corey Hamster

October’s Hamster Hott gets the nomination not just for offering one of the sweetest emails ever written in to the site, which you can read here, but for being an elegant swan that would cost me at least 200 dollars for dinner. Which I’d gladly pay.

Because I would take her to Sushi Roku.

And she would order the Saki the waiter recommends, which naturally is ninety dollars a bottle, because it isn’t on the menu. And he’d bring it and smirk at me, because I couldn’t say anything in front of her.

And yes, this really happened to me. And I’m still bitter.

Most Expensive First Date Hott Finalist #3: Elena from “Hottie/Douchey Inversion”

From last March, the pouty lips and “gangsta” hand gesture suggest a first date both expensive and frustrating, with Elena spending most of it texting her “rad DJ friend” while you’re driving to the restaurant.

Elena is just starting her acting career, and just moved to Los Angeles, and she’d like to briefly thank you at the end of the night for paying for drinks all night by continuing to text her BFF while she gets out of the car and slams the door.

Damn, this category hurts. It’s bringing back all my past traumas.

Oh well. Vote for Most Expensive First Date Hott, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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