Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Most Innovative New Douche Maneuver

Here are your Douchie Award nominees for “Most Innovative New Douche Maneuver” of 2008:

Douche Maneuver Finalist #1: The Side-Tilt Belt Buckle

The Side-Tilt Belt Buckle is a subtle douchal innovation, but do not let that fool you. It is hilariously ‘bagiforous, and as such, well deserving of a 2008 Douchie nomination.

At first you don’t notice it. You have to glance down, beyond this putz’s lick, bling and stupid-ass t-shirt, to locate the belt-tilt. And there it is. Poo.

First noted in November’s Saturday D&G, the sideways belt tilt echoes the classic Ten Degree Hat Tilt and suggests a new and troubling development in scrotal hierarchy.

Note the hotts, oblivious to the ‘tard factor on Licky’s belt.

In no sane and just world should this be permissible.

As such, we mock.

Douche Maneuver Finalist #2: The “Talking on Cell Phone” Move

The idea that posing in mid cell-phone call would become a new “move” first hit the site in this pic of Sideburn Harry and his milfy hott from back in September.

Harry is clearly posing with phone, and as such, baby Jesus weeps.

But Sideburn Harry was not done, making additional appearances on the site here and here.

However, Harry’s larger oeuvre of scrotal taint is not what we vote for in this category of Douchie Award.

We vote for most innovative douche maneuver. And for that, his cell-phone move as poo in presence of boobie hottie is what we consider.

And she is the hottest mom I remember from parent-teacher night when I was eight.

Douche Maneuver Finalist #3: The Mouth-Shirt Ab Reveal

Ab revealing has been a staple of modern douchescrotery since douchebags first crawled from the primordial ooze and took their first dance steps.

But using one’s mouth to reveal abs wasn’t seen on this site until the appearance of Mencken last September, posing with two classic Jerz trashy-hotts.

To achieve this pose, Mencken had to first prep the shirt-to-mouth, and then armlock the ‘baguettes.

As such, it is double trouble. And by double trouble, I mean something that’s twice as nasty as something else.

So them’s your three. Which of these three innovative moves should earn the 2008 Douchie Award? That is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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