Monday, January 12, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

A surprisingly tough week to cull down to three finalists, as we had a nice and varied cross-section of scrote/hott to choose from. But cull I did, and by cull I mean mock, and by boobies I mean tatines. Here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Ghoulbag

Because his is an important subsection of douchescrotery, and far different than standard East Coast Jerz Poo or West Coast Mandana “Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray” grease, we should note it.

By which I mean laugh at his tough, faux-gangsta face, then steal Kimmy, Kelly and Katharine when he’s in the bathroom re-applying his eyeliner.

Note the “double-rock” hand gesture. Swingy Jesus Bling.

And, as a number of commenters noted, the rare “double-belt that is the same belt in which even one of these belts would be douchey, but two is uber-pooey.” And pink, only semi-opaque, sun-dresses make the baby Krishna dance.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Gun Swinger

While “Hello Titty” was a popular suggestion, I’m going with the more accurate tag of “The Gun Swinger” to explain this bizarre confluence of kabuki gangsta and enhanced boobie.

But yes, the pink “Hello Kitty” biker gloves are sheer genius.

The dual chin pubes, greasy in the extreme.

The question is does Gun Swinger inspire rage?

I’m not sure. I’d like to see him mocked, but part of me thinks he might be a hilarious guy to have a beer with. Therefore his cohabitation with this enhanced, perky, extremely Bleethed hott, does not rankle. Still, they are finalist material, if for no other reason than boobies.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: A Clockwork Orange

Can a Eurodouche Droog take the weekly on the sheer force of shoe-polish orange euroscrotery?

That is the question, me brothers.

Clockwork has no hand gestures. Little bling. Very little outward signs of faux-masculine tough talking asswankery. Yet he is uber-douche with both Orange Tan and the infamous “Mark of the ‘Bag” on his forehead.

Veruca is perky, sweet, confused innocence. I would swat her bottom and send her home without supper.

So them’s your three.

Which combination of douche and hott is most noxious enough to get ripped off by VH1 after a meeting, drained of wit, and produced without a credit nor payment? Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 12 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)