Monday, January 19, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Another tough week to cull down to three finalists. But I went with three unique pairings, each one bringing a certain pooey je ne sais quaff to the table. All three of these couplings are worthy of anonymous internet mocking.

But which one shall rise? That, fellow hunters and huntresses, is up to you.

Here’s your hottie/douchey finalists of the week:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Studs Urkel

Appearing last Monday, this rank pairing of exotic Cleopatra bikini hott and a festering pile of camel poop was somewhat overlooked. As such I urge another round of contemplation here in the Weekly.

First’s there’s Cleopatra. A more than adequate serving of the hott on a bikini platter. She has the dainty eyes and delicate flower touch of soft skin cocoa butter cremes and tasty chocolate mousse in a fancy hotel restaurant.

Second, there’s the innovative Tri-Jesus-Bling cap at requisite 10 degree tilt.

And, finally, there’s the creepy weird abstract art facial hair that looks like a kitten fell into a Cuisinart.

Add it up, you have baby diaper.

Used baby diaper.

Pooey baby diaper.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Oily Bohunk

While not as overtly scrotey as some of the other pics, I’ve included O.B. for the reminder that the proper HCwDB pic is when the douche is so scrotey, and the hott so sweet, that the dialectic becomes the projection of our selves in a psychological sense.

Looking at Trent and Jocelyn, and you feel a thousand years of collective societal trauma in one douche-face.

And do not doubt that Bohunk is douche. Note the tighty-t and rosarie beads. And hair spike like one of those magnetic experiments with metal shavings you did in 5th grade.

As such, Trent the Bohunk becomes more than the sum of his hair-spike.

He’s one half of a proper hottie/douchey dialectic.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: ‘Bag Bats Maru aka Your Sunday “WTF?”

Yes, she’s PTP. And yes, he’s a creepy, apparently famous designer of some kind. Normally on those two counts alone I’d dismiss the pic as a publicity stunt and move on to the next.

But this pic is just too confusing.

Too genius.

Too absolutely bizarre not to run.

‘Bag Bats Maru, complete with widows peak and grillz, is just too damn douchey not to want to smack with a dead halibut.

And Bunny Hott has all the right curves and an innocent wholesome midwestern smile.

But does the PTP nature hurt the hottie/douchey commingling? Possibly. But sometimes ya gotta make an exception for a pic this confusingly scrotey.

That is where you come in. Which of these three pics most embodies the hott and scrote in coupling formation? Which rises (sinks?) enough to proclaim the title of HCwDB of the Week?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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