Saturday, February 28, 2009

Ask DB1: 'Bag Time Warp

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DB1:

I had a truly surreal douchey-hot experience Saturday morning.

I awoke from a Coors Light coma and decided I needed breakfast to get the day started. I grabbed the closest clothes I could find and stumbled to panera bread at about 8:45 am.


As I walked in, the pair ordering their breakfast shocked me. It was a terrific tandem of hot and hardy bag. Normally this would have been made me laugh as it always does. but come on man! it was not even 9 and this guy was douched out to the tee with hardy gear and cologne so strong I was afraid it would reach the kitchen flames and kill us all. The lady behind me even commented on it.


So I pose the following theoretical. Does the self absorption of the scrotaciously inclined cause a time warp? I mean I wasn’t even sure I was wearing the same shoes nor would I care that early and hungover, but this clown spent 2 hours getting ready. Through careful reading of the site hcwdb I was under the impression all douche were nocturnal given their incessant night club occupations. If this bag was out sporting his hot in one arm and a bottle of Goose on the other the night before how could he look like he had to give his induction speech into the Hall of Scrote that morning (which part of Jersey is the ground breaking in by the way?)


Could it be bags don’t even sleep for sake they miss one minute of tanning, sequin shirt shopping, and quite possibly waxing? A self absorption black hole causing time to bend perhaps?


Let me know your thoughts.

Snarky
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You witnessed what scrotologists term a “Spectral Douche Echo,” the moment when visual grease-stains on the space/time continuum begin to refract and overlap from sheer four-dimensional scrotal pull.

Do not be alarmed when such visual imprints from the previous night’s trauma return as a specter of haunting. Simply shout “boo!” Then pee on the Cheetos and run out of the store screaming the lyrics to Thundercats.

# posted by douchebag1

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