Monday, February 16, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

After a healthy and relaxing weekend gorging on Hostess Fruit Pies and Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda (an excellent combo, subtle yet soothing), your humble narrator is fired up and ready to mock some scrote and lust after some suckle thigh.

Here’s your finalists.

HCwDB Finalist of the Week #1: Rusty the Frill-Necked Lizard

A write-in candidate from the last Weekly, Rusty earns his shot this week due to a core, dedicated group of readers who demanded satisfaction.

And by satisfaction, they meant another chance to mock Roosterhawk and a sexy slut-hott.

I’d initially D.Q.’d Rusty for the pro-douche look and for the relatively high Bleeth level of his hott. But what cannot be denied is that Rusty is a huge sack of scrotal sweatsock.

That being said, look for the subtleties mixed in with the loudness. Note the tiny chinpubes. The elevation of sunglasses over ear. It’s the little touches that make the Vegas Choad go from generic-bag into legend.

And Sylvia offers tighty short-shorts and a bony, if still highly gnawable, upper glute area.

Together, they make Dragon poo and Flower.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Tony Broma


Tony Broma and Lorie Hott are classic, back-to-basics denim HCwDB stench.

She is all that is sweet and wholesome and causes magpies to dance in synchronization in corn fields while horny bullfrogs mount a nearby Maypole.

Broma, on the other hand, is ass.

Note the douche-sneer. The ginormous mandana. The bizarre redesigned “Shocker +”.

Lorie offers cleavite.

Broma offers three fingers in the pooer.

What more does one need to become so inspired by hottie/douchey rage that only the punching of a stigmatic Nun will subside the voices inside one’s head.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: For The Wank

For introducing pasty-ass acronym tatts, FTW deserves a shot to be mocked in the Weekly.

And let us not forget the tasty balls of Vegas Hotts on either arm.

Suburban girls on Spring Break from Bennington. And since it’s cold up in Vermont, they’ll cuddle up to any doughey Wonderbread thing that presents itself at the Hard Rock.

I almost disqualified FTW for the weekly, even though FTW could be an acronym “For the Weekly.”

Because he just looks so darn Opie innocent and happy.

But then I noticed the crotch reveal. And stupid-hatt. And since both girls are lovely, it’s a Finalist.

(Dis)honorable mention to the unGodly stench of Smote This and the beauticious Zeppelins of The Eiffel Towers, both of whom lost out for not having proper hottie/douchey dialectic. Too far in one direction or the other, and an unbalanced pic is to be had.

And by unbalanced, I mean large saline tatines. But your three are your three.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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