HCwDB of the Week: Rusty the Frill-Necked Lizard
Proving even a “pro” Vegas spectacular douchpocalype and a Bleethy, bony hott can ride to victory, the win was solid by Rusty. The voters speak:
Alexander the Douche: My limited vocabulary lacks the proper verbiage to describe the pile of excrement that is Rusty.
Anonymous: Rusty the Frill-Necked Lizard is a “KICK FACE”!!! He wins hands down!
Billy Jag: i keep staring at this picture of this mohawked idiot by the pool and hoping that a giant disembodied fist will fly in from the right of the frame and punch him squarely in his annoying face. i agree that his hott is bleethed beyond repair and while i usually like my skanks with a little more meat on their bones, there is still something undeniably sexy about her… and when i say “undeniably sexy” i mean “chlamydia.” rusty ftw
ohiofj: Rusty – hands down – a lot of prep work went into this final moment that was caught ever-so-well by the photographer. Every thing clicks (actually booms) for a douche bag in this shot. I am writing in Jeff Reed for honorable mention.
Disconnected: Rusty the frill-necked lizard for the win! The best hott this week, and his facial expression is just so incredibly tense, that he can only be a) straining not to prematurely decorate his pants due to the proximity of the hott, or b) trying to pass that double-choc-protein-bar-mixture-thing that he has to eat to maintain those muscleoids.
douche equis: Rusty — he best evokes the “desire to slug in face” response that is so important to gut-instinct douchebag detection.
Ojo Rojo: Rusty TFNL, FTW. He’s got the copious markings of the urban douche tribe warrior that just absolutely scream, “LOOK AT ME!!!” only the way a douche can. The last time it was cool to look like that was at Little Big Horn.
Excellent job, panel. A solid victory for the write-in Lizard candidate and his Bony Hott in the tighty-tights. But the everypoo of Tony Broma came in a solid second:
Kennedy Smith: Tony Broma. I betting in that pic he’s playing a really sweet Night Ranger lick on his air guitar.
MD(ouche)C: While Lorie is the least hott (and/or sleazy) of the four hotts in the running, Tony is far and away the bigger douchebag. Decider for me was the mandana on his right wrist and the hint of a dogtag chain (could be a cross… or a shark’s tooth… who knows?!)
ehcuodouche: Tony Broma, on the other hand, exhibits exquisite punchy-face. I actually think he might be air-guitaring here, which explains the sign confusion. Note also the ring on the index finger, yet nowhere else, showing the damage the roids have done to his testosterone-addled brain.
Dolphe Douchegren: It’s gotta be Tony Broma. It’s the back to basics homegrown douche flavor that in the end triumphs over the glitzy and dazzling appearance of the more elaborate species. The balance between innocence and total scrotewank in the picture makes the ratio pretty close to golden.
In many ways, Tony Broma had a subtler yet more potent hottie/douchey cohabitation than the loudness of Rusty. But the voters spoke, so who am I to argue? And the Frat-genericism of “FTW” came in a distant and pooey third:
Count Douchekevitch: For The Wank, For the Weekly, on the potency of his stenchy frat-choadness plus the worst white boy tattoo ever. Way to qualify for the eminem “what hood are you from?” club. His 18 year old Id so suppresses the ego, that when his super-ego awakes (say in 10 years,) the “I’m 30 and I already regret my tattoo” feeling may drive this gimp to do us all a favor and jump off the top of Paris Las Vegas’ tower. Oh yes, plus the bikini lovelies on each arm.
But this was Rusty’s week to triumph. As Shpoople World Champion sums it up:
Rusty FTW. Only because I can imagine him saying something like this…
“FUGGIN HEAD SCARS AND TATTOOS, THAT’S WHAT RUSTY DOOO!!!! What kind of toppings for your sandwich?”
Exactly Shpoople. While I wasn’t sure Rusty and Lotus Flower fit the authentic “hott/douche”, the voters have spoken, and Rusty and tighty tight bony hott, have earned their well deserved seat in the Monthly.
