Tuesday, March 24, 2009

“Ass Pear and Douche Head”


One of the lesser known tales from The Brothers Grimm, “Ass Pear and Douche Head” was first discovered in a book of children’s folklore written in Dusseldorf in 1846.

Here is an excerpt:

—–

“Nein!! Do not leave this house!!” said Ass Pear’s Grandmother, sternly. “For if there is no order, the Nation-State will crumble into chaos!!”

But Ass Pear did not heed the warning of her stern, but sensibly cruel and forceful, Grandmother.

Instead, Ass Pear snuck off to the Wunder Club, where she met up with her best friend, Cheek Kiss.

“I hope our dereliction does not bring disorder to the ruling authority!” exclaimed Cheek Kiss nervously.

“Neither do I!” said Ass Pear. “For reckless youth leads to disorder. And disorder leads to impurities of the blood!”

But before Cheek Kiss could respond, along came Douche Head.

“Hallo!” said Douche Head, with bristling chin pubes.

“Ja?” asked Ass Pear.

“How may we help you?” Asked Cheek Kiss.

“My mandana is tight and powerful! It seduces you with its impure power!” said Douche Head proudly.

Since Ass Pear and Cheek Kiss had not followed the stern yet highly organized schedule imposed upon them by their Grandmother, they ran home quickly.

“I warned you.” said Ass Pear’s Grandmother, who had turned them both in to the authorities.

Both Ass Pear and Cheek Kiss were then tortured for six months, for the good of the Nation-state. But they had learned their lesson. And their blood would remain pure for the benefit of Deutschland.

The End.
—-

# posted by douchebag1

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