Monday, March 2, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Here it is. The final Weekly in what’s shaping up to be a very tough HCwDB of the Month next week. Who will join Orange Jeter and Tiny Cynthia, Rusty The Frill Necked Lizard and Crimson Ted as our final hottie/douchey couple in next week’s Monthly?

That, my fellow alcoholics and cleavite lovers, is up to you. Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Flame Broiler and Candy Girl

Candy Girl is everything real about Girl-Next-Door hott and should be appreciated as such.

The Flame Broiler is one ginormous piece of fast food burger poo.

Together, they make a supersized hamburgler of fast food consumption in the age of disposable product and assembly-line packaging.

F.B. brings multiple areas of mock, from Jesus Bling to Orangeness, to Mark-of-the-‘Bag on the forehead. Factor in the 40s and the Flame Hair, and it’s all sorts of mockable wrongness.

I would Whopper Candy’s McFlurries while French Frying her McNuggets while, uhm, eating at a Wendy’s in the greater tri-state area.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: ScroTep

Halloween or not (and I’m not convinced that it is), ScroTep is one of the most toxic combinations of a Boobie Suckle Thigh and BizarroBag we’ve seen in recent weeks.

ScroTep beings a number of genius ‘bag innovations.

The “Stocking on Arm.” The “Egyptian Guyliner.”

And most punchworthy of all, the embracy of a Suckle Thigh of tremendous, Gods Awakening, glory glory hallelujah, Boobie Hottieness.

Bonus Points for this Pic: Ubiquitous Red Cup, watching stoically.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Poo

I struggled mightily about including Poo in the Weekly.

And be struggled, I mean retched. And by mightily, I mean brown. At first, I said no. Poo should not be included in the Weekly.

For despite being a spectacle that shreds all of our psyches, that makes us shudder, feel cold, and rock in fetal position for an hour, there is no hott to counterbalance the poo-stain.

Also, the bodybuilding nature of the tanning creme makes it more of a job hazard than true douche.

But then I looked at this pic again. And shouted “POOOOO!!!” And punched a starving, mute, Liberian orphan in the upper stomach area, forcing him to cry out for the mother he never knew.

So Poo is our third, and final, entry.

Honorable mention to Night of the Living Hardys, my initial choice for this slot (before I reneged, and went Poo).

Meanwhile, in keeping with the inability for your narrator, The DB1, to process 2008 HCwDB of the Year winning couple, The Metaphysical Hooligan and Carly Hott’s existence, it appears that last week’s entry, The Swirlwind, was yet the latest covert appearance of this powerhouse of douchosity. So The Hooligan and Carly are exempt from the Weekly as well. (although NCSI-DB experts, feel free to email me if this is incorrect)

So thems are your three, and all are strong contenders. Which hottie/scrotey coupling will win?

That, fellow ‘bag mockers, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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