Wednesday, March 25, 2009

HCwDB of the Week: Purple Lips and Carmen


In a close two-way fight between Purple Lips’s scarfbaggery and the Spring Break Log, it was Purps for the win. And by win, I mean cultural atrocity:

The Reverend Doom: Purple Lips and Carmen for the Win! He’s a maga-douche with that bizarro outfit and scrote worthy scarf. ya think he could at least coordinate his clothes instead of deciding by wearing the least smelly ones that are laying on the floor. Carmen is super cute without revealing much – what a babe.

omega4132: Pulple Lips FTW. The hair, the rosary beads, the Grey Goose and Red Bull. The scrote.

Creature: purple lips needs to be shoved on the third rail & peed upon… purp ftw

Luke: I had to log in by mobile from abroad to vote, but it’s worth it to insist purple lips gets it. I do think whitey deserved a spot in the top 3, though.

Michelle Tyson: PL because he looks like a cross between Don King and Mr. T, because he wants to look like this, and because he thinks he looks good. I pity the fool.

Captain Bringdown: Purple Lips gets worse every time I look at him. He just keeps rolling out the douche like an effeminate Donkey Kong hurling barrels of Axe, product, and lip gloss at me as I try to rescue poor Carmen from both him and her Cousin It wig.

Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride: Purple Lips should take the advice of Senator Charles Grassley (R)-Iowa and commit suicide. Although Purple Lips may not face a congressional hearing committee for taking a bonus after receiving a multi-billion dollar federal bailout, his scarf, lipstick, frosted-tipped spiked hair, and disporportionatly long belt should get him a Douchebag of the Week.

Well said, Panel. Another excellent round of voting and douche/hott shredding. Coming in a strong second was Spring Break ‘Bag:

Douche Attack 3: Megalodouche: Purple lips is comical, Spring Break Bag is very irritating. He is source douche. SBB takes it.

the douche leader, kim jong illin’: SBB, put the hott down, go back to grad school, and take off the tags before someone who earned them chokes you with them.

Charles Nelson Douchely: Spring Break Bag. Very much ‘Revenge of the Choads 2: Choads in Paradise”-y. Although Booger would still kick his arse up and down the shore.

‘Bag Hammadi: Spring Break Bag FTW: the complete package, and his Morgana Bleeth even ups the total ante by striking an attempt at commercial parody pose.

And the creepy Bandaidto came in a distant third:

Clint Douchewood: It has to be Bandaito for the weekly, because that face screams to the heavens, “Please god, will someone strike me in the gallbladder.” I certainly hate the other two contestants, but for two very specific reasons, captain bludgeon my stupid face, aka sergeant fecal feliac, also known as Bandaito, must win.

Anonymous: Bandaidto is old man pants rank, plus bandaid, wristband, and shocker smell of bengay and egg farts. Contrast that with the cute little black skirted minx. She adds back what he takes away and then some.

But with only a few votes, Bandaidto’s strategically placed bandaid and Alba Hott didn’t rankle as much as I thought it would.

So Purps and Carmen are our clear winner. And by winner, I mean laughable douche-scarf and blonde suckle thigh being Doggie ‘Bagged. Gaijindouche takes it home:

Purple lips. He knows exactly what he is doing, and for that he should be punished accordingly.

Yes. Yes he does. And Carmen is delightful hair extension butt-paddle-worthy cuteness. For that, they earn the right to compete in the HCwDB of the Month.

# posted by douchebag1

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