Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ask DB1: The Rock Star Leniency Rule


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Dear DB1,

I have a douchical dilemma that needs consideration.

I am in a popular band from the midwest. We are a relatively normal, reasonable group of guys, and with the exception of maybe one member, we are non-douche. However, most of the bands we tour with dress in outrageously douched-up outfits, including furry cowboy hats, guy-liner, and, of course, tat-sleeves.

Here is my problem: recently, members of my band have expressed a desire to up the ante in terms of “our image”. We already have great stage presence, but apparently it has been decided that we need to add tatts, mandannas, chains, fishnets, and a plethora of other addouchtrements, to really get that “rock star image”. Our drummer actually said to me, “dude, you should get those, like, herculean, leather arm-bands, man.”

So, please, help me DB1. How far can I go with this to “up our stage presence” without actually committing douchery? When does my original intention of furthering my own career mutate into poo, with a puff of axe? Does the “rockstar exception rule” apply here? I am beginning to think the I have an ethical responsibility to stop this. Thanks for any help you can offer.

–Rockdouchular
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Much has been debated over the “Rock Star Leniency Rule,” which I’ve amended from its earlier title, “The Rock Star Exemption.”

The Rock Star Leniency Rule only states that douchal behavior in service of performance and spectacle can be forgiven as part of theatricality. This is why The Black Eyed Peas, for example, on stage, are not considered douches. Nor is Nickelback, much as their music might gargle testicle. Nor are WWE wrestlers who get paid to dress like huge douchewanks.

Off stage is another question entirely.

However, the leniency rule is in direct proportion to the theatrical success of the stage show. If you are playing small venues, yet douching it up like John Mayer, you are a huge douche. Which, come to think of it, so is John Mayer.

Speaking of Travis Barker, I wouldn’t want him to be my wingman.

What? Too soon?

# posted by douchebag1

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