Monday, April 13, 2009

HCwDB of the Month

Here it is. It is here. Four slices of hott/douche meaning to be parsed. Four couplings of noteworthy societal rot.

But which contains the proper alchemy of taint and taut to rise to the top and call itself “HCwDB of the Month”? That, fellow ‘bag smackers, is up to you.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Primitive Marsupials

Hopping along the back roads of Vegas like an Australian digerati, the ‘Supials are all that is rotten about evolutionary flaw.

Tatted up chaos.

Hat tilt.

Stupid hair.

LeBron James warmup pantsuits. The ‘Supials are uberspew.

As to the hotts, make sure to click on this pic to enlarge.

And by enlarge, I mean boobies. Pink bikinis may be artificially inflated, but there is nothing artificial about my theoretical gnawing on their ankles.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Doughboy and Gidget

Another in the Southern Rock Dude Who Looks Like That Guy Who Died in the Band “Sublime” Douche, Doughboy is smirky low-rent poo.

Gidget is retro-hott. 1950s bazooms.

I just saw Bud White and Ed Exley run by in the background, trying to figure out if Pierce Patchett was recruiting Gidget for his Fleur-de-Lis hookers cut to look like movie stars.

Whatever you desire.

Have you had your benediction, boyo?

Yeah, I’m just gonna keep doing L.A. Confidential dialogue until I get to the next slot.

And here it is:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Purple Lips and Carmen

Gaybaggery?

Not so fast.

Purple Lips has too many clashing and atrocious stylings to simply be dismissed as the flamboyant gaybag who poses no legitimate threat to the hott.

Not to mention the Doggie ‘Bag maneuver.

And that fetid douche-scarf that makes me want to punch a koala in the nads.

Carmen is all sorts of coquettish hair extensions slutty hott tastiness.

She is good and bad. Like sweet and sour.

Like rain, on your wedding day.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #4: Crosshair McJohnson and Leia

The only Monthly finalist to feature multiple award winning pics of uberscrotery, seen here, here and here, CMcJ and The Latina Princess are a heavy favorite to take the Monthly and book a slot in the yearly.

The factors are overwhelming. Guyliner. Tight t-shirts. Macho ‘tude. Chinstraps. Frosted tips.

And Leia counterpoints with sultry Latina R2 battleplans storing sci-fi hottness.

So yes, it appears to be a Crosshair McJ landslide of douche/hott for the victory.

But we’ve seen “sure things” lose before (Kettlehead). Does CrossHair and Leia have what it takes? Or will one of the other couplings knock them off?

I need your vote.

Vote for the HCwDB of the Month, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)