Monday, April 27, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Your humble narrator, The DB1, is washed, shaved and Shamwowed on this Monday Morning. I got my Corn Pops properly milkified. My hangover is rapidly dissipating. The alpacas are fed. The yaks are milked.

But there is work to do, and I need your help. Which of these three pics deserves the Weekly Mock? Here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Crimson Goose

It’s about time we get some classic Burnt Jerz Guid back into the mix.

On the left, greasy Jersey douchebag pulling the combo Goose Fondle + Text move.

On the right, tasty Long Island Trashy Hott, all revved up and ready to be ravished.

And the hint of Holy White Triangle? Que bella.

But the topper is the bookshelf wallpaper. Because actual reading is not necessary. Together, you have the vortex of cultural suckage that is the HCwDB plague.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Deep Scrote aka Deep in the Scrote of Texas

Truth is, I have no idea if this is Texas, Chicago, or if Kevin Costner’s producing Field of Dreams II: Boobies in the Outfield.

Alls I know is this is classic hottie/douchey spew.

A double play of douche.

A home run of histamine.

A curveball of taint crud.

A something basebally that begins with the same letter as something douchey.

For roided up smugness, douchey Jesus tatts, and a nasty chin pube infection, Deep Scrote deserves our mock.

For great boobs and a clueless, befuddled expression, Texas Rose deserves our lust.

Together, they make Reece’s Pooses.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Sarah’s Terds

Rarely does a reader ‘bag tag make the Finals, but Sarah’s tagging of these two Orlando Pimpstas deserves its shot.

The girls are Girl-Next-Door Tourist sexy.

The dudes are rocker douche you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. Combined, this is real world HCwDB in all the wrong ways.

They are “peacocking” in the worst Mystery-ified way.

And for that, they deserve our mock. But enough to win the Weekly? That remains to be seen.

I reluctantly eliminated Descending Ass Pear and Poo (props to Blair for the name) for pro-posery and lack of cohabitation. But methinks that pic is a finalist at the 2009 Douchie Awards for Most Likely to be Part of the Permanent Collection at the Guggenheim in 2023 award.

And (dis)honorable mention also goes to Crappy Gilmore, the boatbaggery of Skinny Ted and the franks-n-beans and potential underage hottedness of The Hebrew Hammer. All just missed the cut.

But them’s your three.

Which is worthy?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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