Thursday, April 9, 2009

Reader Mail: Defending Dane Cook


Last year I gave a detailed explanation why legendary something-or-other, Dane Cook, is a huge bag of douche. Today, “Uhhuh” writes in to defend this misunderstood thespian:

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Hello douchebag1… or may i please refer to you as DB? DB is good, yes? Great =)

I’m simply writing on behalf of the defense for Dane Cook, as I am sure I’m not the first, but I am also sure that I’m not your average “frat boy” and/or “media hungry moron”.

Now… “Here is a media concocted pseudo-comedian with less talent than a stuttering Screech and whiter teeth than Tony Robbins bursting onto the scene in one giant toxic swirl of unfunny. Then, in no time, amplifying from 0 to 60 up the multimedia stratus of accomplishment in a blazing hail of lame frat jokes and physical hand gestures.

Media concocted pseudo-comedian? Amplifying from zero to sixty in no time? Dane Cook started doing stand-up in Boston around ’95, thats nearly fifteen years ago, mostly at The Laugh Factory. Epic structure for comedians of all kind. In ’98 he finally caught a break and made it onto a Premium Blend episode. I remember watching it as a child and laughing my f@cking ass off. Its called physical comedy, bud. Look into it.

“We were told we liked him. We were told other people liked him. Which meant we must like him, too. Because they liked him. And they are we.

Actually most people jumped on the Dane Cook bandwagon far before all the media appearances and headline shit. It was a little cd called “Harmful If Swallowed”. Did everyone get with it. No. Thats not what I’m saying. But that cd is what started it… what caught media attention… which caught HBO… Ya know why? B/c its fucking funny.

“Only unlike the organic and legit accomplishment of, say, the talented Steve Carrell, who actually earned his place at the top by being funny, Cook’s force-fed limelight down all of our collective throats has caused the collective regurgitating response. The clarion call to focus all this noise around something, anything real: A begging we are all making of his sorry, generic ass: DO SOMETHING REAL. Say something authentic. Express a genuine emotion. Have an opinion. Offer a joke that actually might piss someone off.

Ya know, I hate to burst your bubble junior, but comedy isnt about pissing people off or offending anyone. Its about telling jokes, dumbass. Don’t get me wrong though. I absolutely love f@cked up offensive shit. But what Dane does is tell uber funny stories, with strangely enunciated words, with terrific physical comedy thrown in.

“No, what makes Dane Cook a huge douche is his carefully softened ‘injury free’ safe ride of genericism. His media constructed ‘regular guy’ persona. His genericized jokes of pure pablum, meant to vaguely invoke nostalgic memories of your drunk college best friend while carefully designed to offend absolutely no one.

Genericized jokes?!?! You’re kidding, right? Have you ever heard “someone shit on the coats”?! haha yeah… real generic stuff. Better yet, have you even watched a Dane Cook stand up?

Dude… I’m out. You’re an Idiot. And you dont know jack about Stand-up.
— UhHuh
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I stand corrected. “Someone shit on the coats” evokes the deep cultural critique and paradigm shifting humor of Pryor by way of Carlin by way of Bruce via Any Kaufman’s colon.

I will agree that Cook is more of a benign douche. Utterly vacuous, but not evil. I don’t think he means any harm, even as he shreds our culture with his fratbag genericism. Unless we count this.

# posted by douchebag1
10:36 am November, 27 ameerhuman said...

i'm with you dbag1. dane cook isn't that funny. sure he has some laughable moments but you're more inclined to laugh at him than with him. the only reason he has achieved the level of celebrity he has is because the media is largely comprised of idiots as is the american population.

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