Monday, April 20, 2009

Reader Mail: John’s Royal Flush

“John” writes in:

—-
Hey Faggots,

My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any p@ssy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.

Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It’s me and my bitch

– John
—-

“Thanks for listening?” So polite, John.

But I’ll have you know that, in my junior year in high school, I was a full-time starter on the J.V. Jack Off to Naked Drawn Japanese People team.

I attempted to play varsity my senior year, but an unfortunate wrist sprain during a particularly intense preseason round of octopus manga sidelined me for the season.

EDIT: For all of those emailing me that this is a hoax, or a 4chan meme, the proof that John is indeed real can be seen here.

# posted by douchebag1

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