Monday, May 18, 2009

HCwDB of the Month

Boo. And ya. It is here.

Four couples of hott and choad. Four couples enter. Only one may call itself HCwDB of the Month. Only one may earn a slot at the 2009 Douchies in the coveted category of HCwDB of the Year.

Which will it be? Here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Anchor Chin and Raquel

There is little missing from this cohabitation of stench and sexy.

In fact, it is nearly a perfect storm of hott and douche.

Of sexy pale cleavite that is begging for the DB1 to grease his head up and do a triple lindig betwixt those soft flesh pillows.

Of punchable Anchor Chin that is all chest shaved chin pubed spikey hair ‘tude.

I mean, just look at his smug douche-pout. Don’t you want to cauterize a kitten’s ears? Yes. Yes you do.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: The Crimson Goose


Bringing Orange to a whole new level of orangitude, this orangutan introduces a new douchal innovation:

The Goose Fondle + Text.

Factor in his complete ignoring of a self fondling Long Island Hott in slippy red dress, and the pic rises to a strong contender in the Monthly.

Then add in wallpaper books, and you have a visual commentary on how simulation has replaced the authentic in the age of mechanical reproduction.

Every great HCwDB pic needs that extra bonus that renders the whole scene into postmodern art, and wallpaper books does the trick. As do white, cotton undies, which I would awkwardly touch like a confused ape regarding a monolith.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Popeye The Scroter Man

Just try to imagine how the hell Popeye got into that Ed Hardy shirt.

Grease?

Pliers?

Is it actually not a shirt but a spray-on decal?

The hotts are hard to read for quality, but maybe that’s the point.

The Scroter Man has determined that his cig and pecs are more important than a gaggle of woo-hotties.

Which is quite the annoyance.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Waxy McBrow and Rachelle

The only Monthly to feature a series of pics, Waxy and Goose and Waxy and Co., McBrow and Rachelle’s European Countries are tough finalists indeed.

Waxy bothered some voters because, other than the Rosary bling, he doesn’t bring a lot of visceral douchitude to the table.

Aha! But note the very subtle boob point.

And pants stain.

And punchable smug expression, all in presence of a sweet, innocent smiling Eurohott.

Okay, maybe not that innocent. But this couple is real, not just a PTP. And as such, it strikes terror in the hearts of millions of Europeans who fear that National Scrotecialism will lead to a dictator who will drive the country to douchal war as part of the infamous “Axe Powers.”

I have no idea what that meant.

So them’s your Final Four.

Think. Meditate on the hott. Ruminate on the choad. Which coupling most rises in foul toxicity to call itself HCwDB of the Month?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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