Umbiko’s Vision
Umbiko, a young tribal Bushman of the Khalahari, runs screaming through the shrubbery one dawn morning.
For he has had a nightmare.
Cut by brambles and near hysterical, Umbiko reaches his local village hut.
Frantically, Umbiko tells his Village Elder and part time Witch Doctor, Kakuule, that he has had a vision.
“Kakuule! The Douche is Real! I saw it in a dream!” the young boy shouts.
“Relax, child. Sit and tell me what you saw.” The aged one replies.
“Somewhere, there is a spiked up Douche Poo, right now, spreading sweat and hair gel on two reasonably cute girls! And, worst of all, the Douche Poo is revealing his monstrous, scary, artificially tanned lobsterian abs!”
“Nonsense.” replies the aged one to the young boy, as he crumbles a pinch of snuff in his wrinkled hands. “The visions of douchebags with artificial tans and hand gestures mugging hotts come to all of us during Walkabout. They are tests from the Gods. Nothing more. Spirits. Phantasms that task you with questioning morality and sanity in this world.”
“But Kakuule, I know it is real!”
“What place did your Vision tell you this was taking place?”
“It was… it was called… Jerz.”
The old man’s eyes grow wide, but his voice goes silent. For he knows, Umbiko’s visions were, indeed, real. And very smelly.
And… scene.
Yeah. I need another coffee.
