Thursday, June 25, 2009

Ask DB1: “The Bleeth”


———
DB1-

My friend is bleethed out so unredeemably that she’s on the verge of no longer being my friend. She hangs with ‘bags exclusively and doesn’t even recognize them for the taintslime that they are.

I’ve tried to tell her in every way imaginable. I tapped it into her forehead in Morse code. I whispered “they’re douche” into her sleeping ear. I made a diorama featuring a lone Bratz doll surrounded by a collection of Homies.

I swatted her delicate bottom with a newspaper to administer negative reinforcement as I poured her roofie-colada from a UBC into a proper pint-glass.

Help me Obie-Wonkedouchie. You’re my only hope.

-Poppa’s Got a Brand New Bag
—–

There is little that can be done when a suckle thigh becomes a full douchebaguette, or what we call a stage-3 or stage-4 “Bleeth.” And yes, despite her douchebaguettery, you still want to suckle upon suckle thigh. A classic example of the “Douchadox.”

Even the most experienced ‘bag hunter suffers from this paradox between douche and desire.

You must minimize exposure to the toxicity and find still redeemable hotts to stalk awkwardly until she politely asks you to leave her apartment or she’ll call the cops.

# posted by douchebag1

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