Monday, June 8, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Last week was one of the best runs of consistently varied Hottie/Douchey pics of stankitude wrongness and boobie suckle thigh. It was nearly impossible to cull down to a final three.

But culled I musted. So here’s your thems threes:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: E-BLO aka Electric Blight Orchestra

For a three pic run of HCwDB excellence, E-BLO comes into the Weekly as the heavy favorite.

Crusty Gel Head.

Aqua blue D-Neck.

Unearned Dog Tags.

A tasty if confused Britney looking like she’s suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

From his ability to pull quality collegiate pillow hott sqeetness, as with Britney, E-BLO is all that is hair greased in Scottsdale.

In pic 2, he sports a ridiculous aqua name-brand muscle something, but with a trashy douchebaguette. But lest you feared the hotts were playing down to the competition, pic 3 proves that while E-BLO gets douchier, the hotts can be just as counterpointedly innocent.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Sleeve Burglar

Props to Douche B4 Dishonor for naming this pic, which ran on Saturday as “Your Saturday ‘This Coupling Is So Wrong I Just Punched A Fluffy Kitten in The Nutsack’ Pic”.

Many Fluffy Kittens found their genitals punched that day, I assure you.

For those who do not appreciate Tiny Calista’s Hottness, for shame people. She is the college girl who smells like roses and petunias. Her giggles sound like squealing hamsters.

Sleeve Burglar’s Fluffy Kittens deserve punching for bling, bored ‘tude and the most ridiculous shirt to make the site in months.

And then there’s his Best Bro, Kal. Picking his nose. All in a Motel6.

A worthy finalist, indeed.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Moozer

The Moozer knows he’s a longshot, and Katie has the youthful vigor of a potential underage hotlet.

But The Moozer is still in it to win it.

And by win it, he means pencil chin-pube dribble.

This is the classic sneery douche-face that renders a pic stronger than the sum of its adouchrements.

And hotlet or not, Katie is sweet and wholesome and deserves innocent protection as well as me drooling on that faint tanline on her boobage.

Finally: The Moozer’s bling. You might not have noticed it at first. Look at it. It is rankling rankage rank.

(Dis)honorable mention to so many pics that just missed the cut, including Jar Jar Pinks, D–ch-b-g, the tall-short oddities of Stars McDana, the creepizoid nature of Giger Abs and Mammy Miami, who was sent directly to the newly opened “Closet of Poo” below the Hall of Scrote.

Them’s your three. Which is a combo of taint/hott enough to win the Weekly? That’s up to you.

Get off yer ass and vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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