Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week

Ali bomaye!! Ali bomaye!! It’s on.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Bucky Got Mad Game (and Crazy Skillz)

What always adds a second layer of crapwaddery to an HCwDB pic is confirmation that the coupling is, indeed, real.

Later that week we learned that not only did Bucky have mad game, but he has crazy skillz.

And the painful pic #3 confirmed this taintball of poseur lick was actually with tanned Kathy Hott.

Kathy Hott has a smile that makes avacados shimmy and grapefruits burst forth with citrus seed.

Bucky needs to be run over by a steam train and then peed on by a titmouse.

Also note the giant welder’s gloves as Bucky “Runs with the Goose.” A new douche look for 2009? Perhaps.

And the pants? Hammertime.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Shmeg Warrior

This pic has grown on me like a fetid fungus for a number of reasons.

At first, Shmeg felt like your standard Party Choad. Then I looked closer.

The smug pout.

The dipshit hair with frosted tip bonus.

The hint of Vote for Pedro mustache.

The prominent neck bling.

And curling up with him is our Drunk Sorority Hottness, Amanda, with sexy shoulder suckle and dazed “do me” resignation.

She reminds me that we must also pay tribute to Farrah Fawcett, the originary H.C. of the 1970s. A bit before my time, but I hear that poster brought about many to want to Lee her Majors.

And if she is Farrah echo, he’s Michael’s chimp, Nubbles.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Scrotasaurus

This pic did not get the HCwDB props it deserved when it first appeared last week.

Note two of the hottest, purest, ivory snow ladies that I would salivate on like a drooling brain-addled oxy contin addicted lobotomy patient enraged after watching six straight hours of Mind of Mencia while strapped to a Clockwork Orange torture chair.

And do not let the grin forgive the Scrotasaurus his douchitude. For he is the worst of Vegas pustule.

Clearly this is HCwDB Weekly material. But is this coupling (tripoling?) rank enough to win?

(Dis)honorable mention to Steven King’s The Tongue and The Tongue Part 2, Luke Wilson’s Tumor, Follywood Squares and Suspenders of Disbelief, each of whom just missed the cut, for varying degress of hottness and douchitude.

So them’s your three.

Which rises to the top (bottom) of the scale? That’s up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

Trust Massingill

The leader in Vinegar and Water solutions for 73 years!!

Or at least until this guy came along.

Predatorbag Saturday

If it gels, we can mock it.

Does this alien hunter of douche-prey ever wear a shirt?

‘Splosionhead

There’s gel.

There’s lots of gel.

And there’s ‘Splosionhead.

'Splosionhead

There’s gel.

There’s lots of gel.

And there’s ‘Splosionhead.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Random thoughts on this rainy/sunny New York Friday as yesterday’s Shmeg Warrior also finds he needs his gallstone removed:

The Michael Jackson tributes continue, and all I can think about is Rockwell.

Poor Rockwell. Who will sing his chorus now. Won’t somebody think of Rockwell?

What’s with celebrity 1980s muscle-guys doing cameos in comedies where they beat up one of the lead characters? First it was Lou Ferrigno in I Love You, Man putting the sleeper hold on Jason Segel. Then Mike Tyson punching the fat bearded guy in The Hangover. What’s next? Please let it be Mr. T punching out Mylie Cyrus.

It could happen.

Here’s your Friday Links:

Cracked.com with a nice decoding of tatt location meaning. Good work Cracked. I always preferred you to Mad.

I can’t tell if I find this new Burger King ad campaign hilarious or desperate for attention, or both.

Douchery in Deutschbagland. For the historians among us, an important artifact of Germanic douchescrotery is Leni Riefenstahl’s 1930s work on the power of fascist name-branding, Triumph of the Gel.

Yeah. I just made a Leni Riefenstahl joke. Beat that, Perez Hilton.

If you thought future Hall of Scrote member E-Blo would finally show a facial reaction when embracing a half-naked guy instead of a boozy bar hott, you thought wrong.

Ed Hardy is now branding sneakers. And another piece of the future shrivels up and dies like beached plankton.

Breaking News: Hollywood Giggle Hott Anna Faris marries a goofy flagsack. Yeah, he’s pretty much a nottadouche. But I have a huge thing for Faris.

The new Axe Bodyspray “dark temptation” chocolate guy commercial is a bit much.

And finally… for another great week of ‘bag hunting in a very odd week of cultural disruptions, here’s your Friday Ass Pear. You’ve earned it.

Go forth. Drink. Liberate a boobie hottie. If you are a ‘bag huntress, get a douche to hit on you, then kick him in the nads. For it’s the drinkin’ hour. And your humble narrator’s got a bunch of PBRs chillin’ in the fridge.

Cocktus Plants

Cocktus Plant instructions:

1. Make sure your Cocktus Plant gets plenty of light.

4. If you tire of your Cocktus Plant getting drunk and playing Journey songs on the jukebox just to sing along loudly and out of key, simply kick it in the nads and it should go away.

Where’s Manloaf?

Somewhere in this lineup of perky coed boat hottness, I’ve carefully placed a saggy, pale pile of stinky manloaf.

Don’t bother looking for it.

It’s just poo.

Where's Manloaf?

Somewhere in this lineup of perky coed boat hottness, I’ve carefully placed a saggy, pale pile of stinky manloaf.

Don’t bother looking for it.

It’s just poo.

Friday Haiku

Stephen’s Hawking ‘Mo,
Bethany giggles softly,
Motorbike jumps hair.

Motorcross poser
Has Harley attitude with
tricycle street cred.

— Douche Wayne

Hair model, spray gel
Ass model in tight blue jeans
Grab it, I would, too

— Vin Douchal

Mohawking Grab Ass
Pauses his X-box bike game
to mack on Katie

— JoMama

Playstation on Pause
Hott ass pear grab cant hide shame
how to moto-x on VHS

— indyhoosier

Sheen on ‘bags forehead
Feels like I’m looking at the
Douche In The mirror.

— Crucial Head