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Friday, June 26, 2009
R.I.P. Michael Jackson
I have no idea how to pay adequate tribute to you on a site called Hot Chicks with Douchebags, Michael, so I’ll just run a retro celeb hottie/douchey coupling featuring your early 1980s friends.
Andrew Ridgeley and Brooke Shields.
Thursday, June 25, 2009Rosary the Riveter
Well, that’s one way to remove a gallstone.
The Shmeg Warrior
Faux + frost + bling + shaved chest + drunk hottie slobbering on chin = $1 tucked into pants.
Ask DB1: “The Bleeth”
———
DB1-
My friend is bleethed out so unredeemably that she’s on the verge of no longer being my friend. She hangs with ‘bags exclusively and doesn’t even recognize them for the taintslime that they are.
I’ve tried to tell her in every way imaginable. I tapped it into her forehead in Morse code. I whispered “they’re douche” into her sleeping ear. I made a diorama featuring a lone Bratz doll surrounded by a collection of Homies.
I swatted her delicate bottom with a newspaper to administer negative reinforcement as I poured her roofie-colada from a UBC into a proper pint-glass.
Help me Obie-Wonkedouchie. You’re my only hope.
-Poppa’s Got a Brand New Bag
—–
There is little that can be done when a suckle thigh becomes a full douchebaguette, or what we call a stage-3 or stage-4 “Bleeth.” And yes, despite her douchebaguettery, you still want to suckle upon suckle thigh. A classic example of the “Douchadox.”
Even the most experienced ‘bag hunter suffers from this paradox between douche and desire.
You must minimize exposure to the toxicity and find still redeemable hotts to stalk awkwardly until she politely asks you to leave her apartment or she’ll call the cops.
Thursday, June 25, 2009Ask DB1: "The Bleeth"
———
DB1-
My friend is bleethed out so unredeemably that she’s on the verge of no longer being my friend. She hangs with ‘bags exclusively and doesn’t even recognize them for the taintslime that they are.
I’ve tried to tell her in every way imaginable. I tapped it into her forehead in Morse code. I whispered “they’re douche” into her sleeping ear. I made a diorama featuring a lone Bratz doll surrounded by a collection of Homies.
I swatted her delicate bottom with a newspaper to administer negative reinforcement as I poured her roofie-colada from a UBC into a proper pint-glass.
Help me Obie-Wonkedouchie. You’re my only hope.
-Poppa’s Got a Brand New Bag
—–
There is little that can be done when a suckle thigh becomes a full douchebaguette, or what we call a stage-3 or stage-4 “Bleeth.” And yes, despite her douchebaguettery, you still want to suckle upon suckle thigh. A classic example of the “Douchadox.”
Even the most experienced ‘bag hunter suffers from this paradox between douche and desire.
You must minimize exposure to the toxicity and find still redeemable hotts to stalk awkwardly until she politely asks you to leave her apartment or she’ll call the cops.
Thursday, June 25, 2009E-Blo goes E-Mo
Say it ain’t e-so!
Even with eyeliner, mandana, hand-beads and his boozy bar hott on his arm, E-Blo’s botoxed soul shines through.
Thursday, June 25, 2009Where’s Krackenbag?
HCwDB of the Month runner-up, The Krackenbag, is not resting on his greased up laurels.
He’s still out there. Still attemping to reach E-Blo level bankness in presence of hotts. His virus is so toxic it’s like a supernova of douchal implosion. Note the ‘bags and bleeths left in his wake.
No redemption possible in this pic. Scrub it all with Lysol and lets go get a coffee.
Thursday, June 25, 2009Where's Krackenbag?
HCwDB of the Month runner-up, The Krackenbag, is not resting on his greased up laurels.
He’s still out there. Still attemping to reach E-Blo level bankness in presence of hotts. His virus is so toxic it’s like a supernova of douchal implosion. Note the ‘bags and bleeths left in his wake.
No redemption possible in this pic. Scrub it all with Lysol and lets go get a coffee.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009The Scrotasaurus
Ah yes, one of the cut scenes from Jurassic Pec IV: The Lost Vegas.
The Scrotasaurus attacking dual ass pears sequence just didn’t jibe with the “family friendly” approach. But I would’ve kept it.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009FratsnHotts Playing Pool
Like Dogs Playing Poker was to the 1950s, FratsnHotts Playing Pool is to the June 20s of 2009s.
FratsnHotts Playing Pool is a strong contender to be included as part of my touring installation-art exhibit.
When my genius for image recontextualization in the age of the simulacrum is finally recognized by the Academy as one of the great conceptual artistic leaps of the 21st Century.
I expect this recognition to be accorded to me by most major museums and critics by 2023.
