Monday, July 27, 2009

HCwDB of the Month

Can I get a wut? Coming off the two-toned weekend punch of the potentally flaming gaybaggery of Cheeto Man and the toxic HCwDB commingling of Smoot, it almost seems unfair that this week is the HCwDB of the Month. But those pics will have to wait for next week.

For now, here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Gunny

Gunny brings the gun show, solidly besting his competitors with a run of silly belt buckle in presence of numerous suckle thighs (seen in pics 2, 3 and 4),

Gunny’s tard-face, hand gestures and belt buckle are all scroteworthy.

But does Gunny bring the hott enough for a true HCwDB of the Month?

That is the question.

For the H.C. side, Blondie’s shoulder suckle, hint of quality boobage, and swan innocent smile, are all worthy counterpoints.

I would raisin her brans.

And then corn her pops.

Yup. It’s breakfast time for the DB1.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: P. Doody

With an ambiguous takedown request that may or may not have meant Hairy Belafonte, I’m not taking the risk and instead subbing in the #2 (in every sense) tatt disaster that is P. Doody.

This is also a first here at HCwDB, in which an award winning slutty hott, Carly, took one douchebag to the HCwDB Championship last year, and is now cohabitating with another worthy contender of scrote.

Carly Hott is like the Roseanna Arquette of HCwDB. First she inspires a mediocre Toto song.

Then she inspires a drippy but iconic Peter Gabriel Song.

Which in turn inspires John Cusack to hold up a boombox in a moment that makes dating girls impossible for the next four years due to raised “Lloyd Dobler” expectations of googoo eyed crap. Which inspired Ione Skye to ditch the sentimental crap and marry a Beastie Boy. Which was absolutely the right call.

Toto. Nice Dune soundtrack. Clowns.

Wait, what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, Carly Hott.

I have no idea what I’m saying. I desperately need caffeine.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Tiki Douche and Anonymous Bikini Hott

Like Gunny, The Tiki Pud brought with him a run of scrotal achievement with various bikini girls, as seen in pic 2, , pic 3 and pic 4.

Granted, all are with lesser hottage than in the main pic.

The lack of hotts, as with Gunny, discounts the Tiki’s truly noxious taint-scent from mockage.

Still, for classic douche signifiers, you have a pretty potent list:

1. The neo-colonialist desecration of numerous indiginous languages, peoples and cultures, all in one single garrish shoulder tatt.

2. Silly belt buckle + chain

3. The douche-face

4. Boobie hottie suckle thigh in tight candy-striper pants

And I reiterate that Anonymous Bikini Hott is not getting the props she deserves. Take another look, people. She is a softwater drink of fleshy melon smoothie.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Bucky Got Mad Game and Kathy

Bucky got mad game, and he got crazy skillz. And he got Kathy Hott.

All sorts of hip-hop wigga wrongess in this classic HCwDB formation.

This pic also brings reminders of College Hotts.

How they know not the cultural value they carry in their youth and smiles and wonderfully white teeth and Prell smelling hair.

And then, like every iconic HCwDB pic, there’s the “WTF” moment. In this case, the welding gloves.

Welding Gloves, Bucky? Really?

So them’s your four.

Which combo most inspires you to fits of rage and cries at a godless universe enough to book them a slot in the coveted HCwDB of the Year?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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