Monday, July 6, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

You think the fight against the hott/douche commingling is over? This fight is just beginning folks.

Put away your sparklers, your lawn chairs and recycle your empty PBRs. It’s the Weekly. And here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Weekend at Bennie’s

As Troy Tempest puts it:

I may have two dyn-o-mite babes hangin’ on my arms, but in my mind? I’M LISTENING TO DOKKEN!!!

Originally posted under the title Dehumanism, this pairing of sexy girls next door and dead douche on the dance floor deserves its own school of mock, so I’ve retitled it “Weekend at Bennie’s.”

Because any reference to 1980s Andrew McCarthy movies is gold, Jerry.

The girls are sweet and shiny and each are offering me their shoulder to gnaw upon. Which I would. Lightly. And then harder. And then awkwardly. And then they’d ask me to go home.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Tiki Douche

Tiki Douche has a number of quality components that render it pure in the hottie/douchey dialectics.

A smokingly tasty hott, innocent and with butt powdery quality.

A super-douche of forehead grease, wristdana, idiotic tatts, designer sunglasses and douche-pose.

And, of course, an angry Bud Light Totem Pole, bringing shame to Iroquois ancestors across the Northern Frontier.

Tiki Douche brings the lesser hott but identical scrotal move in Pic #2.

For her hot-pants and Cleavite paleness are vunderbar.

And Tiki Douche’s undies poke and belt-studs are verboten verkleinshmidt nacht.

Or something.

HCwDB of the Week #3: Morris

Morris brings an extra serving of what we term Douche Aura. The desire to punch that far outweighs the actual list of scrotal fungus he presents in presence of his hott.

The hott is also problematic. She is cute, but perhaps not enough to compete with the other hotts in the Weekly.

Then there’s Pic #2, where Morris brings annoying photoshop bleaching, annoying hottie Bleething, and a giant faux.

Even if Rage and Lust in the Time of Holbrooks! did amazing sleuthing and determined that Morris is actually last year’s Crawdaddy, I’m still giving Morris another shot in the Weekly.

Because I’m generous like that.

(Dis)honorable mention to Clubholio, the Greaser and Bikini Hott from ‘Bag / Nottabag, the Ass Pear n’ Hat Tilt and the Beauty and Tool from Skull and Douchebones, whose comments threads shenanigans suggested a takedown on the way and thus disqualified them.

So them’s your three.

Which pairing of scrote and suckle thigh rises to the top?

That’s where I need your help.

Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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