Monday, July 13, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Once I slapped a kitten. It mewed softly. So I felt bad. And bought it an ice-cream cone.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Hairy Belafonte

For bringing Wheatstalks level hair, H.B.’s kiss of Cheryl Crowhott is almost too much to let stand.

We cannot abide this.

We must mock.

Cheryl has the sweet, confused look of a Sarah Lawrence student gone though the looking glass and ending up at a Rehab Party after her boyfriend, Tim, got lost in one of the Casinos.

Her iMac perched on her lap, one wonders if she’s hiding a pair of sexy librarian glasses somewhere untoward.

Hairy B is slap-worthy Rehab Vegas taint.

Together, they make HCwDB.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: P. Doody, aka “Rated P for Poo”

I’m renaming this potential nominee for Worst Tattoo in the History of Body Art “P. Doody”

And yes, the excellent ‘bag hunters in the comments threads, in this case, Chia LaDouche correctly identified the 2008 H.C. winner for HCwDB of the Year, Carly Hott.

Has she ditched the Hooligan? We do not know. But Carly remains boobarifically glorious.

P. Doody has a giant tattoo meant to invoke the MPAA rating system. Srsly? Ya bro.

All sorts of arm-locking wrongness in this pic causes lemurs to karate-chop a kitten in the nads.

In a strange twist of irony, those lemurs karate-chopped the same kitten I once slapped and bought an ice-cream cone. But that’s a story for another time.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Earglasm

Every great HCwDB pic features a form of douchal innovation. Thomas Edison-like inspiration of ballcrust.

Earglasm has it all. Ears. Sunglasses. Mandana.

Pouty Minx stoically smoking a cig by the beach.

Hers is a neck I would nuzzle.

His is a spikey-fro I would mock.

A third worthy entry in the Weekly, and with artistic composition to boot.

And by boot, I mean his ass. Not that Das Boot film with the Germans in the submarine.

Although that film did kick ass. As did Das Booty Call, starring Tommy Davidson and Udo Kier.

Last week also featured the meltdowns of poor Colt, whose bravado and arrogance quickly collapsed under a heap of really hilarious grammar. Lets toss that fish back in the sea and let it go get another neck tattoo.

Eagle-eyed ‘bag hunters like Wheezer correctly tagged Don’t Mess with the Poohan as HCwDB of the Week winner from last January Sir Sucks-a-Lot. Sucks.A.L. is campaigning for most amorphous douchebag of 2009, and, with his latest entry, is a strong write-in contender for HCwDB of the Year.

So them’s your three.

Which rises (drops) to the level of ballsack and maiden?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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