Monday, August 17, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Last week featured the legendary reappearance of Donkey Douche to tell us “nobodys” off. But there were also some significant entries in hottie/douchey deconstruction. Which of these three pics contains the right unholy swirl of taint and boobie to warrant elevation (descent) to call itself HCwDB of the Week?

I can’t make that determination without your vote. Here’s yours finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Vanilla Putz

Has there been a pic on the site recently that more encapsulates the glazed, white suburban “thugz” look than in this slice of barely post-pudescent housechoad? I think not.

On the flip side, Irene is curvy senior year barely-18 goodness. At least I hope she’s 18. Otherwise, my cerebellum is going to jail for boobie thoughtcrime.

But why I selected this entry for the Weekly was due to one simple reason: gangsta butler.

It’s like Gerard Butler, only without the awkward romantic comedy mid-career transition.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Scrote Baio

Props to Crucial Head for winning the Tag this ‘Bag contest, as Scrote Baio brings his Zapped powers to corral Ophelia with his goofy spew.

Scrote Baio is 25 and douchey.

But how to describe Baio’s clown show? Is this some bizarro mix-and-match of post-punk insignias merging with emo dressup? Or just some dude with a confused sense of Halloween?

What’s clear is Ophelia’s girl next door goodness, wholesomeness and slightly arty attitude.

She’s going to Cornell, but she doesn’t want to talk about it so stop asking.

And she thinks urban skyscrapers are phallus substitutes for sexually frustrated men. Which, of course, they are.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Homeless Phil Collins

The second pic featuring ab revealing doucheclownery in our contest this week.

And because 1980s Phil Collins references never fail to crack me up.

And Cindy is not getting the appreciation she deserves. She is southern party girl sweetness. Sure she’ll divorce you after the kids, she drives American only and shops at Target and CostCo. And sure she thinks Applebees is a “quality night out.”

But her giggle is mellifluous.

So you put up with the rest.

Velvet Flog got too many “nottadouche” passes in the comments threads to be a finalist, despite his uberhott brunette.

Lake Dickheadus and Image ‘Tard and the hairsplosion of Spike or Faux also just missed the cut.

So them’s your three. As the DB1 gets a coffee and recovers from his ill advised “Pizza and PBR” Sunday night, it’s your turn.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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