Monday, September 21, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Last night, after fourteen Trader Joes Hansen’s Sodas, I discovered something profound. I could pee on one leg while humming the theme to Rawhide. It was quite impressive.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Crabs McGee

A toxic pic of scrotal revelation, Crabs McGee and Princess Minnie Von Shtup are visual overload.

Lets run down the list of powerhouse douchosity:

The white glove. The silly hat. The bizarre backpack straps. The greasy groin shave. The Jean Claude Van Damme Doucheface.

And yes, way too much reveal of groinsackery.

Minnie is ethereal otherworldly hotness. The kind that doesn’t exist in nature. Or in college. It only exists at the W Hotel, where you have to buy her at least four drinks while she acts bored and texts her friends. Not that I’m bitter. Looking at you, Allison.

Together, this may be a posed “model” pic, but it is uberHCwDB, and well earns its place in the Weekly.

However there is the question we must ask. Do we really want to see that groinal shave ever again? Maybe not. This may cost Crabs votes.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Blackberry Bob and Abby Licious

A crowd favorite for the double douche move of Blackberry armstrap and pleather watchstrap on Bob, Pamela divided opinion.

Some found her lithe body and taut abs to be celebratory female achievement.

Others found her too skinny and meatless for true objectification.

I tend towards the latter. Pamela is definitely hot, but I like a bit more suckle thigh on my suckle thigh.

That being said, Bob is uberdouche, even on a roof in Calcutta.

HCwDB of the Week: Party Fluffkin

From Friday’s Thoughts and Links, this crotch fondling smug Fratclown has all the markings for Weekly Mock.

But it’s not just writing the boring and dull “I Like to Party” on his shirt.

It’s the first douche-face + crotch-grab move we’ve seen in months. Factor in studded belt, and Party F is all sorts of lameassitudinal.

Audrina also has surprisingly suckleable suckle torso on display, and while she is stage-3 Douchebaguette, there is much to offer by way of her genetic merit.

(Dis)honorable mention to The Redneckbags, who didn’t quite bring enough Southern Douche to make the finals, The Long Island Douche Ferns and the ab revealing Friday Haiku, who just missed the cut.

Them’s your three.

Help a brotha out and vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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