Monday, September 28, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Here’s your Weekly finalists on this, the date of atonement. Because douchebags have much to answer for. Like smelling greasy. And fondling tasty hottsicles.

Here’s your three awaiting vote:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Hucky Sheen

Hucky Sheen came on strong with his “Annoying Tattbag hitting on girl in Creepy Arizona Apartment Complex” game.

Then came Hucky’s appendix attack, bringing either a second tasty lady licker to the game, or Candy #2.

That one-two punch is enough to make Heisenberg revise his Uncertainty Principle to conclude that Hucky is 100% douche.

Yeah, I’ve made Heisenberg jokes before. And I will again. Or will I? You’ll have to open the box to see.

Annoying bling, rings, and serious douche-face. Candy has tight shorts. For that, we celebrate her. Even if she is barely legal.

And on a final note:

Tri-finger rings suck donkey foreskin.

Ew.

Too much for a Monday morning?

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Guyliner Gary and Barbie Cara

While most of the 2007-era douchetributes have morphed, Guyliner (aka “Guy Eyeliner”) remains one of the toxic manifests of late 1980s Robert Smith pouty emo retrograde reconfiguration.

But Gary’s tortured emo soul will soon find expression.

As he pours his soul out to Cara in terms of his deep longing to break down gender roles and enforced binaries.

And Gary does that, of course, by getting a lapdance.

Cara brings A-game southern tasty hottness, even if she’s clearly got a stage-2 Bleeth infection.

Her skin is smooth and supple.

I would lightly squirt it with glass plus, and then squeegee it with a rubber aardvark.

Because that’s how I roll.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Mack the Nozzle and Francine

Mack the Nozzle, who both appeared previously on the site as Archie McScrote (h/t Wheezer) and is apparently a contestant on some crap VH1 show, still well earns his place in the Weekly.

Why?

For one thing, clowns on VH1 shows are not celebrities. Therefore they are eligible for the Weekly.

Two, this mugging on Francine is all that this site personifies. She is delightfully pure, and I drink her with my eyes.

And three, your humble narrator has personal issues with the network that calls itself VH1 that will someday be fully explained in another forum. But that’s a story for another day.

Notice pic #2, when Mack the Nozzle Nuzzles. Further pollution. And thirdly, Mack helps you read his tatts with random douchebaguette.

(Dis)honorable mention to Frankie Goes to Parsippany and The Badda Bing Boobs, both of whom just missed the cut. While Mack and Francine appear the favorites to win the HCwDB of the Week, they are no sure thing. Can Guyliner Gary bring the pain to take the win? Or can Hucky use his family name to take the prize?

Vote and atone, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 3 + 7 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)