Monday, October 12, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Your humble narrator spent the weekend in deep meditative repose. What did I learn? That Mad Men needs more Peyton List.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Tony the Mack and Paulina

Tony and Paulina might not have made it if not for pic #2. That mauling by furry chin deserves Weekly consideration.

Tony brings understated douchal silk shirted game to the Weekly.

And by understated, I mean four buttons leading to two buttons, leading to chin pube.

And the alien in the TV helps compliment the curvy grabbitude of Paulina’s lithe shoulder suckle tenderness.

I would lick and grab with great aplomb.

Which would, of course, make it macking, and therefore I would become my own version of Tony.

Which is the douchal conundrum. The mobius strip, if you will, of douchadox. Sponsored by Axe.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The ‘Barrowbag and Alana

Matt Florian, aka “The ‘Barrowbag,” was first featured in Friday’s Haiku, but the general wrongness of this pic stayed with me through the weekend like a festering toe-jam bruise.

As such, I’m tossing it in the Weekly and seeing where it flushes.

Alana has the arched back and firm thighs of prime childbearing years. I would reward her for her genetic gifts with flowers from Parisian hot houses, natural organic honeys from Paraguay, and myself, humping her childhood teddybear when she was in the kitchen getting us tea.

Finally, we’ve seen shirtless douchebaggery in bars, clubs, and all sorts of places.

But I need a ruling here.

Is shirtlessness in a bathroom while doggie ‘bagging still a place where shirtlessness should not occur? It is the bathroom, after all.

I still vote gach.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Kevin’s Wild Years

It’s not just the swirly hair, the rosarie beads and the punchable chinstrap on Kevin, as he mugs Cambridge Rachel.

Well, yes, I suppose it is all of those things.

But it’s also the air of quiet desperation.

We see it even more pronounced in pic #2.

I feel for Kevin.

And not just because he reminds me of every Boston Irish kid from Southie or the Point who started drinking at twelve to block out their parental neglect and limited life prospects.

But I mock douche macking on hott. And Kevin Flynn from Boston is most certainly mockworthy.

Wicked.

I’m eliminating the tragicomic orangeness of The Agonizer on account of potential gaybaggery and a lack of true hott, and general stomach churning nastiness. Instead, I’m moving that mess directly to the Closet of Poo.

Also just missing the cut was The Appendix Lick. And while the gorgeosity of Musika Boobsenfeld in Zombieland has brought calls for Hall of Hott, I’m not ready to award that just yet. Nor could the pic really make the Weekly, with the three average scrotes hanging off her bosom chords.

So which of these three deserve to win the Weekly?

You know what to do.

Cast your vote in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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