Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Ask DB1: The Trumpbag


—-
Hey db1,

This morning, while pondering the vainglorious pomposity and uber-sonic deuchebaggery that is Donald Trump, I began to wonder: is he not a HCwDB Founding Father?

The pursed lips, the horrific orange comb-over, the trashy-riche persona, and the hots who adore him….

where would deuchebagging be today if it weren’t for Donald Trump? Years, perhaps decades behind the scrotal curve.

Perhaps a new hall, the “DB Founding Fathers,” could restore balance to the universe.

– Scrotald McDoteald
—-

1980s Trump is definitely one of the Choadal Founding Fathers of the modern ‘bag plague. His garish excesses and narcissistic self-absorption led to the modern club going puds we see attempting to “live large” today.

Trump is a founder of the religion of consumptive narcissism. His soul is as hollow as his hotels are empty. Sure we can make fun of the hair. But even hairless, Trump combs over his psyche to hide the crisis of empathetic absence that rots underneath.

# posted by douchebag1
9:48 pm November, 24 first said...

1

9:49 pm November, 24 second said...

2

9:54 pm November, 24 DarkSock said...

I would classify Trump in the "MoneyBag" category.

I would classify his women as "gold diggers", and by gold diggers I mean scat shovels.

9:55 pm November, 24 DarkSock said...

As the crowd watched, stunned and confused, Invisible Man continued his relentless mouth rape of The Donald.

9:57 pm November, 24 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Donald Trump is uber poo. He lives to poo, poo's to live, but mostly, just smells like doodie. His hair is in fact made of dried turtle dung, which may be why he evokes so may thoughts of excrement.

Ps. Boobies!

10:00 pm November, 24 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

More info on MTV's new guido show.

10:03 pm November, 24 Guess I'm Livin', I'm a Mouse said...

Is her right nip peeking?

10:03 pm November, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

I second the establishment of a Hall for the Founding Fathers of Douche. Who would stand beside Trump and Grieco? How far back would we go? Machiavelli? Henry VIII?

10:03 pm November, 24 Anonymous said...

^Darksock: It would appear that The Donald is a willing participant in said mouth-rape by the Invisible Man–he's reciprocating the favor with the ol' index-finger-in-the-bunghole.

-Bagnonymous

10:08 pm November, 24 The Desert Douchehunter said...

Worse yet, The Douchald has been succeeding in cultivating legions of choadal followers with that ridiculous reality show of his. Just what the world needs – a bunch of narcissistic clowns trying to be just like him. The Douchald's failure is a win for humanity.

And by win I mean boobies.

10:11 pm November, 24 El Queso said...

If there is an association or chamber of commerce for Money 'Bags, he is definitely the Hair Club President.

Supposedly Bill Gates and Larry Ellison are some of the most impossible raging asshole sea-hags God ever created.

Andrew Carnegie had better relations with steelworkers' unions than Gates & Ellison have with their fellow man.

Edward Longshanks had better relations with William Wallace than Bill & Larry had with employees & civilians.

Vlad The Imapler Tepeš had better relations with Ottoman Turks than Bill or Larry…

10:11 pm November, 24 The Desert Douchehunter said...

@ End of Haberdouchery

Good point. I would think that Napoleon would be the patron saint of douchebaggery. Between his short-man-syndrome, garish clothing and his need to rub his own nipples all the time, he was douche all the way.

10:14 pm November, 24 Patrick said...

"Trump combs over his psyche to hide the crisis of empathetic absence that rots underneath."

Poetry DB1. Excellent work, as usual.

10:15 pm November, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

Enlighten me to his "need to rub his own nipples all the time." Please tell me it's based in reality.

10:18 pm November, 24 Hector, Tamer of Douches said...

I feel a little tearful. I third the vote for the Founding Fathers.

10:18 pm November, 24 The Desert Douchehunter said...

Ever see all the photos with his hand stuck inside his coat? Looks like douche self-rubbing to me if he couldn't even stop for a damn portrait.

10:19 pm November, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Geeyahhh… Trump gives me hives

BTW, I am still mad at Troy for wanting to blow up Vegas in the last thread…

Let 'em go to Murrieta, CA or Chicago or Miami , but leave my playground alone.

Especially this weekend as I'm taking in the Dwight Yoakum concert at Stateline about a 30 minute drive from The Strip. Got m'boots shined and my Skoal circle tight jeans ironed.

Bitches

10:33 pm November, 24 The Donger said...

I agree that Trump would be a founding father – perhaps the John Hancock of the bunch.

Minus the John and Han part.

10:44 pm November, 24 Ryan said...

Sorry bro, but Trump does not belong on here, I am a totally straight guy and I would date this extraordinarily wealthy man!

10:46 pm November, 24 SpineChowder said...

He looks like he's choking on a plug o' Porch Beef.

10:47 pm November, 24 Captain Bringdown said...

Donald Trump is living proof that the only thing keeping the vast majority of us from having everything we want is a conscience.

10:56 pm November, 24 Anonymous said...

he must not want hair then

11:11 pm November, 24 The Desert Douchehunter said...

@ Ryan

I'm not going to attempt to justify why The Douchald is a 'bag when DB1 has so eloquently stated the case. However, when it comes to your creepy proclamation that you would "date this extraordinarily wealthy man!", I must make two comments.

First, you certainly are not bleath enough for The Douchald, so don't bother.

Second, any 'straight man' who would make that sort of inane comment is most certainly devoid of any shame or common sense and lives in a shallow world where the only measurement of a human being is how much money they have. Ultimately you are destined to an existence of ever deepening frustration and low self esteem. Do us a favor and take your mouth off The Douchald’s cock and never come here again. You, sir, are an idiot.

11:26 pm November, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

What he said.

11:30 pm November, 24 Wheezer said...

Donald Trump is 63 years old.

By the time he reaches 80, he should be parting that "hair" from behind his left ear…..a "combforward" instead of a combover.

No one will have to dip him in a toilet to give him a swirlie.

11:32 pm November, 24 Southern Scrotic said...

I'm sorry. I'm a little distracted by the hint of her areola.

11:36 pm November, 24 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

^ It's not "distracted," it's "focused."

11:54 pm November, 24 Anonymous said...

The hall of douchebag founding fathers is an excellent idea. Make it happen, DB1.

2:00 am November, 25 Anonymous said...

Henry VIII as douche – nice.

2:17 am November, 25 Troy Tempest said...

Spy magazine always referred to him as "The Short Fingered Vulgarian".

I concur.

3:40 am November, 25 Southern Scrotic said...

Mounds of Joy.

4:55 am November, 25 Whoop-di-douche said...

I've always had a fine chuckle or two trying to imagine what he'd look like posing stark naked on the artist's model platform.

8:26 am November, 25 Anonne Huntress said...

Zeus. Now there was a douche if you ever saw one.

10:07 am November, 25 Steve L. said...

Donald Trump is one of the few douchebags whose douchebag status had been confirmed since April 2006, less than a month after HCwDB's founding.

true story.

11:08 am November, 25 RoboDouche said...

"Trump is a founder of the religion of consumptive narcissism. His soul is as hollow as his hotels are empty. Sure we can make fun of the hair. But even hairless, Trump combs over his psyche to hide the crisis of empathetic absence that rots underneath."

Some of your best work, DB1.

12:53 pm November, 25 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Donald Trump is an arrogant ass with a tiny penis.

1:03 pm November, 25 boatbutter said...

Well said.

2:28 pm November, 25 Anonymous 3:16 said...

I agree with the deserved hatred for one of the originals. But how is it we give others a celebrity pass but not him? He has done more with his doucheyness in terms of making money than most – and in terms of adouchrements, many other celebrities far outdo him…

3:00 pm November, 25 Bob said...

Decorum? You're fired!

3:09 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

This 'Founding Bag' has lips made for male filatio and he looks like he wears an old Davey Crockett hat on his head.
That being said, our bag hunting would be so much poorer without this two bit choad. So 'hats' off to you Donald and keep on 'baggin'…tool.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

5:37 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

Donald, Donald Trump… king of the wild frontier!

7:25 pm November, 25 THE Donald said...

I am one classy lookin' motherfucker, and check out the hot broad to my left. You know you want her, too. She can be yours for a night if you buy one of my classy condos in the phenominal Trump Plaza building in beautiful Boca.

10:07 pm November, 26 Doc said...

DONALD TRUMP IS MY BABY DADDY!

Leave a Reply