Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Caption This Pic


Tony’s crop circle hair and face sucking ability inspired M. Night Shyamalan’s latest thriller, “The Hackening.”

# posted by douchebag1
5:04 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Danny Torrance was so frightened he ran into the Hedge maze. Luckily his father got caught in hair gel and couldnt hack him to pieces.

5:11 pm November, 17 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Andrea felt sorry for poor Toney. Not only had the poor idiot attemped to commit suicide only days earlier, but he had done so with a pair of uncle Angelo's clippers (with a number two guard).

5:13 pm November, 17 Douchesquire said...

"Really baby your hair looks great. I love it. Just let me finish this glass of liquid Drano and we can get down to business"

5:20 pm November, 17 scrotum pole said...

Tony's "affliction" is advanced scalpal ringworm.

5:23 pm November, 17 scrotum pole said...

After downing several glasses of Scope, Hal E. Tosis finally got himself a smooch.

5:24 pm November, 17 Mr. White said...

Tony knew the bitches would love seeing Van Gogh's "Starry Night" shaved into his head.

5:24 pm November, 17 End the Haberdouchery said...

So that's where my ant farm went.

5:27 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Wow, I think that blue elixir I scored off Poopaloompa is starting to kick in! Too bad he owns my soul now.

AV

5:27 pm November, 17 Mr. White said...

Andrea desperately tried to launch the Panic Button app on her iPhone before Tony could knock it out of her hand.

5:27 pm November, 17 The Doutche Oven said...

"Damn you, paparazzo!" – Cristiano Ronaldo

5:28 pm November, 17 Mr. White said...

Andrea was so lost in Tony's passionate kiss that she didn't realize that her skirt had ridden all the way up to her boobs, giving everyone on the dance floor a view of her porch beef.

5:31 pm November, 17 scrotum pole said...

We all remember the infamous "shlong" hairstyle of the 90's (short on top, long in back.) Well here for the 00's is the "Donkeater", (Donkey jizz on top, weed-eater on the sides.)

5:36 pm November, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

"He's sucking her will to live!"

5:37 pm November, 17 boatbutter said...

Jonathan Antin's new Mayan hedge-trimmer graffiti hair style seems to be catching on.

5:37 pm November, 17 creature said...

on the bus ride home through South Central, it was discovered that Armando's dome was the perfect slate for tic-tac-toe

5:40 pm November, 17 creature said...

a sleepover at the house of Edward Scissor Hands never ends well

5:40 pm November, 17 creature said...

this is what happens when L C Greenwood wops you upside the head

5:44 pm November, 17 creature said...

Los Loco Muchacho's came up with a novel gang iniation rite for Chuy that involved shards of glass & stencils

5:45 pm November, 17 creature said...

Adrea has a spittle cup for the bile that erupts from her gullet following bouts of tonsil hockey with Tonto

5:49 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

The rousing encore from the house band Tonsil Hockey with Tonto, always touched off an emotional response from those in the mosh pit.

5:51 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Kemosabe was sure to demarcate the directions to the basement in his mother’s teepee with the Yin-Yang symbol.

5:52 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

And with a final squeeze to her midsection, Gertrude expelled the final bit of afterbirth onto the club floor.

5:53 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

The moment their lips locked, the socks stuffed into Pat’s bra began to shift uneasily and his power tuck failed miserably as Alberto felt his partner's yogurt piston spring to life against his left hand.

5:55 pm November, 17 scrotum pole said...

As Amanda slowly lost consiousness, Antonio tightened the ligature while silencing her screams with his mouth.

5:56 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Twins Harold and Maude quickly found that being conjoined at the lips had its disadvantages when attempting to score some strange at the clubs.

5:56 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Dorothy maintained a firm grasp on her phone and libation as Pierre methodically slurped her regurgitated porch beef with his forked tongue.

5:59 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Marcos never forgave Nadia for scrawling her Freemason's creed into his head.

6:05 pm November, 17 scrotum pole said...

Beth and Humberto celebrate his successful, first-ever, laser treatment for head lice.

6:10 pm November, 17 Salmon said...

Can you make sure the right side looks as awesome as the left side?

6:11 pm November, 17 Mr. White said...

Medusa Oblongata refused to provide tattooing services when Tony appeared at her shop with an IHOP kids' menu maze for visual reference. Luckily, Tony's barber was less fussy about such things.

6:11 pm November, 17 pencil dick said...

After agonizing for days over which route to take on level 3 of Zelda: the adventures of link, Christoph knew exactly what to tell his stylist.

6:17 pm November, 17 Mr. White said...

Andrea loved tracing her finger along the paths of Tony's head maze. Sadly, the repeated application of her oily fingers eventually caused a line of pink, swollen white heads to form along the solution, ruining the fun for everyone else.

6:31 pm November, 17 E-blos last thought said...

Edward Scissorhands' younger brother Tony Betmeiwont always had much better luck with the ladies

6:39 pm November, 17 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Andrea wondered, "does the carpet match the drapes?"

Tony had a similar question, "has she finished her roofie cocktail yet?"

6:44 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Grant’s temporal lobe transplant with a pane of plexi-glass was a resounding success.

6:45 pm November, 17 creature said...

German found that the Etch-a-Sketch GPS he had installed on his skull helped him score drunken chicks with techno devices

6:46 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Burt applied the Heimlich with all his might, as his salivating mouth awaited the purchase of Trisha's dislodged chicken bone.

6:48 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Marsha prayed that her coy head-turn and furtive necklace would not betray her enourmous Adam's apple.

6:49 pm November, 17 E-blos last thought said...

After shelling out all that cash for his awesome new 'do, Tony was lucky his cousin Helen agreed to help practice his moves.

6:50 pm November, 17 Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister said...

Crucial Head's enormous penchant for spelling "enormous" with an extra "U," led him to grab the nearest hott and administer his patented toncil tickle.

What a douche I am… I mean he is.

6:51 pm November, 17 Scrötinger’s Cat said...

Ummm, dude. It's "tonsil", not toncil.

6:51 pm November, 17 G. Gorgeous Clitty said...

Would you guys fuccen shut up and learn to spell?

6:52 pm November, 17 robert said...

Puerto Rican Vanilla Ice prepares to consume his conjoined, weaker twin.

6:54 pm November, 17 Troy Tempest said...

It wasn't an easy fix – using his tongue to tighten her retainer was the only logical course of action.

6:59 pm November, 17 C.G. said...

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start.

7:01 pm November, 17 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Great, a map of Tony's colon carved into his head.

7:01 pm November, 17 creature said...

Fellanio found that being the Bukake bullseye for Samurai Scrote had it's drawbacks

7:04 pm November, 17 creature said...

Free haircut day at the Foundation for the Junior Blind did not work out as well as planned

7:04 pm November, 17 Filthy McBaggin' said...

"No, no…I want you to do the hair to match the shirt."

7:04 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Even as Tony grew older, he still had a penchant for his two favorite childhood pastimes; ant farms and Dig Dug.

AV

7:05 pm November, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Unfortunately for Tony, the metal plate in Susan's head wreaked havoc on his custom hair stylings.

7:07 pm November, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Tony gave Susan one last, passionate kiss before firing her out of the club's sleek, black party cannon.

7:09 pm November, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Passions flared at the party inside Plinky's mom's labia.

7:10 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

@AV:

Dig Dug

Heh heh heh.

7:11 pm November, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Susan was too caught up in the moment to realize her dress has slipped, revealing the satin pillow she had secreted within.

7:14 pm November, 17 creature said...

fingernails wreak havoc during date rape

7:17 pm November, 17 Mr. White said...

In honor of AV's excellent contribution:

Tony abandoned his bicycle pump and decided to blow up his Pooka Bleeth using only his mouth.

7:18 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Rumors of Etruscan ghosts frequenting the clubs were flying about with the sighting of strange haircuts resembling the remarkable jewelry dug from excavations in Italy, but an Etruscan vampire?

7:21 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Marlie kept her pet hedgehog in her bosom, but never anticipated the little female's pheromones would end up attracting another species of 'hog until, well, too late!

7:25 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Buck and his buddies liked to practice making circuit-board designs on each other's scalps at the Circuit de Soleil Electronics trade school.

7:40 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

At the Circuit de Soleil Electronics Trade School, the boyz liked to jolt each other's hair into spikes which looked great next to the circuit boards they earlier carved into each other's scalps, the better to electrify the Hotts when wet-kissing.

7:43 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Bucky liked to shave a mod version of Chutes and Ladders into his scalp, the better to impress his hottie's two little kids when he came by for free dinners.

7:46 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

It has never been discerned whether the directions shaved into Bucky's head are to Timbuktu, Siberia, or Bellevue Psych: apparently, only his hairdresser knows.

7:49 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

A rumor has been going around thatt Bucky's head designs were made by the New York style manicured-fingers of a she-zombie, who also made his hair stand on end, but it's never been verified.

7:52 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

A recent club initiation ritual of wearing porcupine pie with crusty curlicues while smacking a hott on the lips has been spotted only south of Houston Street in NYC.

7:55 pm November, 17 Douche Bigalow said...

Closing her eyes, Tonya instantly realized what it was like to perform donkey analingus.

7:57 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

JoAnn fabrics had a special on embroidery tapes that Marlie couldn't resist, and she enlisted Bucky as her subject for her latest project which she proudly showed off at Club Kiss-Off.

7:58 pm November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

If you think his head is weird, wait till you see the inside of his motorcycle helmet.

8:33 pm November, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Wait, what's going on? I was distracted by the librarian boobs above. Okay, caption this pic, got it. Uhhhmmm, ehhhh…

Hmmmm.

Fuck it, I'm going back to stair at librarian boobies.

8:55 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Wow Whoop Di Douche, you managed to make a 20 humourless posts. Why dont you write them all down and bless us with your best.

8:58 pm November, 17 ehcuodouche said...

Timmy was forced by the CDC to advertise his scalpal Hansen's Disease. However, he found that adjusting his angle to the drunken hotts he could circumvent that requirement.

9:12 pm November, 17 Wheezer said...

Shauna Sand was so shitfaced that she didn't recognize former brother-in-law, Labyrinthine Lameass.

9:21 pm November, 17 Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister said...

“‘I want to fuck you…’ he growled, nipping at her lips and running his hand over her breasts, pinching at her nipples through the fabric, making her cry out. Her body jerked underneath him, as he slipped his fingers underneath the fabric and deep inside her dripping… HOLY MOLE!! Did you see the Librarian hot in the post above???

9:31 pm November, 17 Librarian Hottie Above said...

This chick can't hold my sack.

9:40 pm November, 17 Horace Dangleballs said...

Nice duality. "Afflction" on his shirt and an affliction on the side of his skull.

9:54 pm November, 17 Wedgie said...

^Horace

And let's not forget the affliction he is passing on to her with that kiss.

10:15 pm November, 17 DarkSock said...

Since Tina forgot her dentures at home again Jimmy was forced to chew and feed her party hors d'oeuvres momma-bird style.

10:16 pm November, 17 DarkSock said...

The other party goers were not impressed by Marty and Cindy's 14" double-dong fellating skills.

10:18 pm November, 17 DarkSock said...

Vince "ShamWow" Shlomi re-enacts his assault from the biting hooker for the judge and jury in Disco Court.

10:20 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

when the jizz-worm finally made its way into Tony's ear, Sindy (with an s) had to provide the antidote the only way she knew how.

10:26 pm November, 17 Douche Bigalow said...

Seconds later, Tina projectiled violently thru her nostrils, after realizing she had tongued a pork rind lodged behind Pepe's left tonsil.

10:28 pm November, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Undettered by Tony's weak attempts at passion, Sara leaned further and further back, her ravenous eyes locked on the insanely hot breasts in the post above.

10:33 pm November, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Puto Milan thought it was might nice of Mr. White to carve a
Heighway dragon
into his head for free.

10:42 pm November, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Does this butt nugget have the answer somewhere in that shit on his head as to why all creation is going to die in 2012?

11:12 pm November, 17 Crosshair McDoucheson said...

Affliction

Tony Tonee Tonay is a sheriff of a small Jersey Shore town who achieved nothing in life in the opinion of his ex-girlfriends Lillian and Jill and is a heavy drinker.

His girlfriend Margie accepts him the way he is.

On the first day of the hunting hott season, Tony's wingman Jack takes a woo hott out on the club scene – and only Jack returns alive.

Tony decides to play tonsil detective and starts "investigating the case" despite the fact Jack insists it was an
accidental self-inflicted douching.

11:13 pm November, 17 DarkSock said...

Todd fellated Cindy's swollen sinuses until they spewed forth their clotted green lumpy payload.

URKK…..*vomits into wastebasket*…..

11:18 pm November, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White 10:11

heh heh heh.

Tony was so tired of explaining his hairdo to people, he just got the name of it printed on his shirt.

11:20 pm November, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

The missing piece of the Mayan calendar was found, alas, the world would end not in 2012, but as soon as Becca finished drinking her Windex.

12:01 am November, 18 Plinky's Asshole said...

Even I think this guy is an asshole.

3:08 am November, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

Monica had a thing for guys with scalp-fitted bootscrapers and GPS, and delighted in messing with their directions.

3:12 am November, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

"I don't bless nobody with nothin;, especially coward ANONS," said Samurai Scrote one evening while quietly nursing a Maker's Mark.

6:25 am November, 18 Anonne Huntress said...

"Braaaaaaiiinnnnsssss…!"

6:37 am November, 18 OOOOHHH LOOK AT MY INTERWEB NAME NOW I AM NOT ANON said...

Hey whoop di douche, that one wasn't too funny either nor the one before it. Also I don't really know why I would be a coward. Because I have no desire to have a stupid nickname and be known in an internet forum? Hey douche those names are anonymous too. Sorry pal but I would be anonymous either way. But it is good that you only respect those who give themselves silly monikers. It shows an ability to distinguish between what is real and what isn't. Your mother would be proud if her daughter weren't kissing a guy with a topiary shaved onto the side of his head.

By the way, the douche in the pic has a yin yang.

7:49 am November, 18 Chinga Dera La Douche said...

When Ron Artest sees this piece o' work, THIS will sequentially transpire.

Thus ruining any and all chances of this hardcore Douchers having an MMgAy career.

9:58 am November, 18 Turdouchekin sandwich said...

Anon 10:37 needs to relax.

10:02 am November, 18 The anti-anon schtick is being a bit overdone said...

Let's relax on that for awhile and all join together in douchal mock and boobie hottie lusting.

12:22 pm November, 18 Steve L. said...

so now that i FINALLY got around to the caption thread…

after the kiss, Helen was shocked to find Tony's haircut replicated all over her face.

12:23 pm November, 18 Steve L. said...

oh and i hate it when both the HC and DB of a pic cannot be properly identified.

2:18 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

Isn't that the famous photograph "Kiss at the Hotel Douche Ville"?

3:15 pm November, 18 Horace Dangleballs said...

@ Wedgie 1:54 PM

I stand corrected. I was so appalled by the visual affliction that the invisible contagion present in this image escaped me.

How about the triad? It seems that the theory behind our nuclear deterrence policy is a good metaphor for the apocalypse of this photo.

10:55 am November, 19 Anonymous said...

Bleeth: "What does it mean baby?"
Afflicdouche: "It's sanscrit for "Douchebag" now give me my blue drink back"

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