Monday, November 9, 2009

HCwDB of the Month

I’m not too good with the math, so I’m not sure if this is the last HCwDB of the Month before the Yearly or not. I think we can fit one more in. But either way, make it count.

Here’s your nominees:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Barrowbag and Alana

Barrowbag, aka Matt Floorian, is a longshot in the Monthly, in spite of Alana’s illustrious back arch, or what I like to call “The Slide of Kidney Delights.”

I have no idea what that means.

But the Barrowbag just doesn’t have that facial sneer, nor uber-tude for the Vegas oddmakers to give him anything better than 7:1 to win (lose).

Even with Barrobag’s spinnaker move on Alana. in pic #2, there’s a hot side hott, but a gut hang toad.

Is it enough?

What’s with the leather boots?

And were those bathmats bought at Ikea?

Or Target?

So many questions. So much lysol.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Poopaloompa

The power of the Poopa is strong with Oompaloompian Orange.

Poopa, poopa, poopedee, dee… why the f is your face orange you creeepy-ass mofo douchewank?

And lets not forget Poopa’s second log.

Bringing A-List douche Orange but only B-list H.C., the Poompa has a tough road ahead of itself, due to the impbalanced dialectics of meaning found herein.

Can Jane bring enough library corn-fed Midwestern party girl cuteness to take the prize? Or does it even matter with a toxic douche this strong?

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Cheez and Charleez

The Cheez is Jerz mug loud, party pud from outer Tattmongolia.

Charleez is all that angelically dances on the edge of a pin and has boobies.

Pic #2, pic #3 and pic #4 finish out the run of simian ridiculousness.

Can power boobs and A/X necklace + douche-gesture (see pic #3) bring Cheez into the Yearly?

Only with aplomb.

And by aplomb, I mean two plums.

And by plums, I mean using the age-old poetic verse of fruit allusions to describe boobies.

Because both ripen and hang.

And both are on sale at Albertson’s, 2/$1.99.

Yup.

No idea what I’m typing at this point.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #4: The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine

There’s nothing quite so enjoyable as when a blustery egobag writes in to the site and confirms all the snap judgments we’d already made about his punk ass.

As we saw when the Bagpoleon struck back.

Bagpoleon brings the most toxic of all 2009 douchal innovations: Groin Shave Reveal (GSR).

Josephine brings all that is curvy and right to youthful indescretions.

Guy in Gramps Shorts on the left wants to pee on a pillow.

Together, combined with Jesus Bling and Power Watch, this coupling is all that HCwDB embodies.

But is Bagpoleon douchey enough to beat out the Poompaloompa? Can Josephine really knock off Charleez’s sweetness? Will the Barrowbag wheel in as the wildcard after a split vote and take the prize?

Remember: We vote for the best dialectic between HC and DB. The most toxic reality skewing combination to cohabitate. The most punchworthy of wrongness.

I need you. I can’t do this without you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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