Monday, November 2, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

Our last weekly before what’s shaping up as an epic Monthly. Make it count.

Here’s your nominees:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Truckstop Pudwick and Shana

The Trucker Pud is all sorts of ass-kick-worthy Ed Hardy aging porch beef douche-poo.

There’s just something about his smug expression and hott fondle that encapsulates the HCwDB ‘tude, and for that, he is more (less) than the sum of his Hardy Parts.

I’m also pleased with the name “Truckstop Pudwick.”

I’m not sure why, but tell me it doesn’t summon the stench of beef jerky and cigarettes.

Shana is purity of hott fondle hott water bathing bath bubble grabby boobie tap dancing ass cheekathon.

I have no idea what I just wrote.

And yet, it is appropriate.

But enough to win the Weekly? We shall see.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Big Ben ‘Bag

The second in our “Pud” collection of bar trolling ass clowns in this Weekly, Big Ben ‘Bag brings the classic ubiquitous “Devil’s Horn” ‘bag hand gesture along with his alliterative name. And lets not forget Pic #2,, which confirms Holy White Triangle in the Book of Revelation.

As the Sideways Peace Sign and the Ubiquitous Shocker give way to new and more obnoxious ‘bag hand gestures, the “Devils Horns” is like the secondary classic rock classics of the oeuvre.

Like Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung.”

Never got its props, and was overshadowed by its flashier competitors like songs by the Beatles, Stones and the Who. But Aqualung is still in rotation on classic rock stations across the country, and always will be.

That’s my crappy Monday morning analogy, and I’m sticking to it.

Woe, lest I forget the genius of the Holy White Triangle, that calls to me to work overtime to buy her an expensive car before she divorces me anyway.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine

Do not let Bagpoleon fool you as a nottadouche.

Sure there’s no major hand gestures, no kissy lips, and no cap tilt.

But Six Pound Watch, Jesus bling at the pool, and hint of chin pube all suggest uber-scrote.

But the piece de resistance: Groin Shave Reveal.

That’s right. GSR. One of the worst of the 2009 ‘bag moves.

The pic thankfully prevents searing our retinas through cropping, but the evidence does not lie.

And what can we say about Josephine? She is corporeal perfection dipped in angelic fairy dust, and topped off with a french tickler. I would read exerpts from Balzac to a crowd of angry neo-luddites just for the chance to be repeatedly slapped by the festering carcass of a fish she ate for dinner in late 2005.

Uhm, she is hot.

(Dis)honorable mention to The Theory of Mandanativity, who just missed the cut, as well as The Fingerbag.

Which coupling has the right stench of douche-poo and tasty hott to create a dialectic of meaning that would make Hegel proud?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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