Monday, November 16, 2009

HCwDB of the Week

One more slot to fill before the HCwDB of the Year begins. You know what to do.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Dissected Frog

For giving me the chance to make the rare E.T. Erika Eleniak reference, the ‘Frog makes the Weekly.

And for punchable douche-face, chin dribble, hair spike and hieroglyphic hand gesture.

And on the H.C. side, she may not be conventionally hott, but pouty Long Island Princess, Vera, does it for me.

She just wants to finish cosmotology school. Because she wants to be an astronaut.

Also, lets not forget Frogger’s #2. There’s something fascinating about girls who giggle while their douche makes two “Shocker” hand gestures.

Tee hee hee, he’s describing what he’d do to your weewee and hooha!!

And for originally appearing back in June as Alpaca Farm Head, as well as possibly popping up elsewhere over the months, Frog gets his shot.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Robopud

Killer douche cyborgs sent to clean up crime in futuristic Detroit always make the weekly.

Robopud also brings two A-List brunette party hotts to the giggle table.

With bodies a slammin’. Of great genetic quality.

Expensive drinks and texting of friends.

But there’s something about Robopud that qualifies him as truly mockworthily scrotal.

Yup.

You guessed it.

Groin Shave Reveal (GSR).

One of the absolutely worst of the 2009 ‘bag innovations. The act of revealing the shorn testes to the world. I smell a 2009 Douchie Award for this concept. And by smell, I mean smell.

Also, Mona’s butt on the left deserves an Ass Pear award. Extremely biteable.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Salt Lick

For mackin’ on the barely legals with that douchey-ass hair.

And then actually scoring some drunk roofie makeout with ‘bag hand gesture, The ‘Lick earns his place in the Weekly.

Not to mention the Goofy gloves.

And not to mention the nip pinch of douche #2.

We even have “Lost Ed Hardy Zombie” in the background.

And Hustlin’ Vietnamese Trader Guy on the left.

Add ’em up, and it’s a worthy third entry in our Weekly.

(Dis)honorable mention to The Trollbag, who just missed the cut for being more freakish than douchey, and Brooke and the Tangelo, who sort of fascinate me but I’m not sure why.

Them’s your three. We have an abbreviated few Weeklys left before a final Monthly, and then the Yearly at the 2009 Douchies.

You know what to do.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
3:13 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

One vote for The Frogger. He sucks the life out of a room just by being spiky.

Douchamemnon

3:23 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

I'm usually terrible at predicting who is going to win the weeklies but I'm going say Salt Lick all the way.

The others are ISO Standard Douchebags, available at any well stocked bar, despite the shapely hotties in Robopud's arms.

Salt Lick though… the gloved hand tweaking the nipple takes the prize.

3:23 pm November, 16 Genital Electric said...

The Robopud. For his Hotts are the hottest, and his swim trunks have demonstrated their disgust over the GSR by vomiting their innards like a tired sea cucumber.

3:25 pm November, 16 Publius Choadius Naso said...

Frogger FTW. Manicured chin pubes and eyebrows are enough to call douche on, but the emo affectations juxtaposed with the street (in)cred matching tats and t-shirt put him over the top in this weekly. And bouncing between all of that black and white stuff–hair, shirt, hott garb–adds an extra layer of poo to the swirling vortex of HCwDB.

3:26 pm November, 16 Douche shower and shave said...

The droppings this week are pure rectal gold.
The Frog is clearly the stench that is the most displeasing.
He has a face made for a shovel.
Frog you suck.

3:28 pm November, 16 El Caganer said...

I have to vote for Salt Lick. He has those goofy Mickey Mouse like gloves and spiky hair with a touch of dried bird poo. He also has the barely legal hott collection. His hotts are nice and slutty, just the way I like them.

3:29 pm November, 16 El Queso said...

I say it once, I say two times:

Salt Lick Crew effects douchebag re-enactment of Rembrandt's masterpiece, "The Night Watch".

and some dang screwball sour mash Kentucky poon-tang, aged in the finest hollers the backwoods can offer, a bona-fide 15 years.

3:31 pm November, 16 boatbutter said...

Salt Lick. I had no idea mimes could be so douchey.

3:40 pm November, 16 Bob said...

One vote for Robopud. He's got the Dumb Hair, he's got a little Meaningless Bling, he's got the GSR, he's got the Overdeveloped Abs, he's got the Oversize Mirrored Sunglasses. All good and worthy 'bag attributes.

But mostly, he's got those hotts. Mona, the one with the Side Ass profile? I would cockpunch a football field full of adorable penguins just for the opportunity to gargle the discarded water used to wash that bikini she's wearing.

3:41 pm November, 16 End the Haberdouchery said...

Robopud.

At some point in his worldly travels he decided "You know what? This shirt would look better hanging out of my shorts. That way I can show off my sweet abs."

Guess what Robopud, I guarantee that at least half the guys at that shitty pool party have overdeveloped abs such as yours, you aren't special.

Call it a double standard, but the midsection on brunette on the left is solid enough for mounting avionics hardware boxes. I'd give you sinusoidal excitation at 5 Hz baby.

3:43 pm November, 16 Wedgie said...

I gotta go with Robopud. GSR is an automatic vote getter in my book. Like Baggie a couple of weeks ago, the newest douchie maneuver tops all others in pushing my gag reflex.

What could be worse than a man who is not preparing for a hernia operation intentionally shaving his crotch?

Nothing.

3:48 pm November, 16 Patrick said...

Robopud.

GSR, Bag Pouty Face, Stupid Hand Gestures, shirt hanging out of the trunks, stupid oversized sunglasses.

Very hott hots.

The pud wins, but we all lose.

3:49 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

All fine contestants but for me this was easy. The Frog exhibits more douche aura than Robopud and 'Lick combined. That's saying a lot as 'Pud and 'Lick certainly aren't lacking in the douche aura department. And by fine, I mean foul.

The Frog's hair is a registered lethal weapon in three states. And he has been banned from riding blimps and hot air balloons in all fifty. Plus, his hott, Angelica, has an exotic quality that rouses my loins; more so than the other hotts.

I hope he gets eaten by an alligator while riding a log to his home.

The Frog FTW.

AV

3:57 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

I'll go with Salt Lick. None of these guys are strong enough to contend with the current crop of yearly contestants though.

3:59 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Robopud FTW.

I was 100% on the Salt Lick train, but then I thought about how my own decision-making could be altered by a mound of ecstasy & a barely legal griding her barely legals onto me…

4:03 pm November, 16 Dopey Spice said...

I ate a bowl of GHB. With milk. Using a spoon. When I regained consciousness, my poonanny had white streaks all around it.

The Salt Lick FTW!

4:08 pm November, 16 Jessica said...

I like Robopud the most. He's kind of an everydouche himself, but I love the girls, especially Mona, with her great ass, side-swept hair and glasses tilt. She reminds me of an 80s beer commercial, which makes me happy.

Frog and his hott have limited, only bi-coastal appeal. The other situation is date rape, which I cannot condone.

Robopud is timeless. I can just picture him saying, "Yup, still ripped, still partying and still boning fine ladies every day."

4:11 pm November, 16 shawk said...

She just wants to finish cosmotology school. Because she wants to be an astronaut.

[golf clap]

And Frog FTW.

4:12 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

I have to go with Salt Lick FTW. The idiocy of his hair, the gloves, and the wasted barely-legal all scream major douchebag.

4:13 pm November, 16 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Robopud. GSR has clearly become the province of the truly narcissistic Bag. Even with the welding shield on, I can see the self absorbed look on his face.

He's not happy to be there, he thinks those Bleeths are his birthright.

I'll bet he also thinks male porn stars are, well….stars.

4:15 pm November, 16 Justin said...

I'm tempted to vote for The Salt Lick, for he is totally ridiculous. The Salt Lick is simply a clown, and his girl is no hott. She is a ketamine-addled, semi-conscious raver skank.

Robopud is a mountain biker who got lost in Vegas. Meh.

My vote goes to Froggy. He has the outrageous hair spike, the chin dribble, the smug facial expression, the incomprehensible gang sign-like hand gestures, and he has pretty hot babes around him. Oh, and plucked eyebrows. Fuck you Froggy.

4:27 pm November, 16 Scooby Docuhe said...

My vote is for the Trollbag. I don't care that he is not actually nominated. It's a write-in vote.

'Cause the guy is just so fucking weird.

4:35 pm November, 16 Arthur Critique said...

I'm casting my vote for the Salt Lick, not so much for him and his chick, but for the photo in it's entirety.
Unfortunately, if the douche culture continues to permeate society, a modern day Norman Rockwell, would be forced to paint scenes like this to represent Quintessential Americana.

4:36 pm November, 16 Mike said...

Salt Lick's misplaced gay aggression for the win.

4:40 pm November, 16 saulgoode42 said...

He's not doing the Shocker, those two fingers were amputated in the dissection, and he's a little sensitive about it, if you don't mind…

4:41 pm November, 16 saulgoode42 said...

(One vote for he frog guy)

4:43 pm November, 16 Captain Bringdown said...

The Frog. His attention-grabbing display is nature's way of saying "Don't put this in your mouth".

4:45 pm November, 16 creature said...

Let's hope the Dissected Frog has his car break down on the Golden State Fwy & he has to play Frogger across 6 lanes to get to the call box… a semitractor trailer reducing him to a puddle of green slime would be much more attractive than his present state.

Froggy ftw

4:45 pm November, 16 BallsDeep said...

FTW, The Dissected Frog should fist his throat.

4:51 pm November, 16 massengill said...

Gotta give it to Robopud for best impression of ED-209 by a douche.

4:52 pm November, 16 DarkSock said...

Salt Lick, for demonstrating the highly oxidizing nature of Donkey Jizz, and his truck stop roofie queen.

"But Judge….it ain't rape if they ain't awake…."

4:54 pm November, 16 miss leigh said...

robopud!!! the hotts are hot and the douche is douchey!
sidenote: in pic #1. that's a MAN baby. sure, HE wants to go to cosmetology school. to figure out how to contour out those pesky male facial features

4:56 pm November, 16 Bourbon Bill said...

Robopud ftw. He has come from the future to help proliferate the GSR to new levels. Who else could have known it was a great place to hang a shirt? Robots, that's who. His douche programing code is unbreakable. Let's look at the evidence. Stupid oversize glasses are big enough to be a robot computer screen. Random symbol jewelery that has meaning only to douches is present and accounted for. Spikey hair to hide the antenae.
Robodouche glasses must prevent him from seeing the color red, this explains the clear plastic cup.
No smile, completly emotionless, while sandwiched between the two extremely hott bikini clad giggle gals is only possible for a douche bag. The double hotts seal the deal for me.

4:56 pm November, 16 jonezy said...

Although Robopud's Hotts are so very very lickable, the only lick to win this week is the Salt Lick. He tiptoes on the line of douchey that separates the hilarious douche from the outright hateable.

On the one hand, he is all too comical and should be laughed at and pitied. On the other hand, he inspires rage with his Gremlin inspired hair. And on the third hand, he is wearing a white fucking glove.

What.
A.
Douche.

Salt lick FTW.

5:03 pm November, 16 Archidoucheis said...

My vote goes for The Salt Lick because there's so much going on in that photo. Why is he wearing white Mickey Mouse gloves? Will the drugged scarlet make it out of the club without a sore asshole? Why is that old guy getting his nipple pinched? What is that gay Asian in the beater so animate about? What's up with that black shirt in the background with all the crazy colors on it? Why is he wearing white Mickey Mouse gloves?

For being such an enigma, Salt Lick FTW.

5:04 pm November, 16 Smitty said...

I gotta give it to Salt Lick.
With the douchebag gloves and the molestation of an obviously underage minor, Michael Jackson would've sued him for trademark infringement.

5:05 pm November, 16 The Donger said...

I have to go with Robopud and his hotts. They would all be stars if Paul Verhoeven decided to re-shoot "Robocop" and "Showgirls" together as a single indie arthouse film, though I would much prefer Robopud get run over with a steamroller while he just feature the girls in a movie called "Alabama Piledrivers #3."

5:07 pm November, 16 RAPETIME said...

Dissected Frog for the win, because his hott is eminently bangable and it would make my year to be given the chance to dissect him and put the old adage "we're all red on the inside" to the test.

5:08 pm November, 16 skid said...

My vote goes to the douche with the hottest hott. That is Robopud. He has not one but two super bikini hotts. Either one of the gals puts the other douchebags hotts to shame. Boobies ftw.

5:18 pm November, 16 Desert Douche said...

Salt Lick FTW. The gloves, the attempt at making seagull shit a fashionable hair trend, the under-age drunk girl who snuck out of the house to go to this slammin' party and his hanger-on Sancho Panza make me want to rub salt in my open wounds.

5:24 pm November, 16 scrotum pole said...

The Salt Lick's chick is so baked her biggest concern isn't her escort's odd behavior, (tweaking his douche-buddie's nipple with a loose-fitting white-gloved hand.) Instead, she's wondering if Wendy's is still open.

Had to be some top-shelf weed.

5:28 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Saltlick for the win. He is wearing white cotton gloves, which is just stupid. Mostly, I like his hott, mostly. She has that ecstasy driven barely legal energy that I would want in the sack or the alley behind the dumpsters. Add the fear of arrest for a perfect Saturday night and you got a winner.

5:29 pm November, 16 miss leigh said...

@ rapetime … you find trannies "eminently bangable"? someone's a little dirty 😛 i think frog should be dq'd for having a "hott" that is actually a man

5:29 pm November, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Equal parts hate over here for Lickster and/or the Frog. ESPECIALLY that blank-faced lunkhead in the matching black tank with the Lick. He looks like he's peeing on his leg at the bowling alley as he readies himself for a shot at a 300 game and greatness in his own mind.

With The Dissected Frog its kind of like when I had those front row seats to BB Kings' 80 birthday bash concert when I muttered drunkenly, "We. Are. Among. Greatness ….."

The Dissected Frog FTW but because of the well disguised beauty in Hott # 2 in the coupling factor.

5:38 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

The Robopud kind of sneaks up on you. It's hard to see just what a Douche he is because of the poor exposure but on close inspection the guy is an uberdouche. Warning don't look to closely at his manscaping it's horrifying.

The SL however should be considered for his full look but should be DQed because of what may have been done to his poor roffied, jailbait, drunken, soon to be gangbanged Hott. It's just not right.

Too bad about the Trollbag and Tangelo, I thought both of them bordered on greatness.

French for shower.

5:44 pm November, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Salt Lick for the win because someone in Interpol needs another opportunity to see this pick, show it to Franz and Helga, and ask in perfect Belgian dialect, "Heir Kruger, Frau Kruger, is this your daughter?"

At which point Frau Kruger will burst into shieks of anguish and tears will roll down Franz's face as he nods in stunded silence.

The Belgian Interpol Officer will then wait the customary one minute 30 seconds before asking, again in perfect Belgian dialect, "Would you be able to identify her without a face or, oh, I don't know, fingers?"

6:14 pm November, 16 08armydoc said...

Robopud, hands down. The abs say it all – if someone puts that much effort into his *abs*, how much effort does he have for the rest of his life? Ie, that last workout left him too tired to even smile. And to have that little body fat in order to show off said abs, he eats fewer calories than the slutty bookends.

The GSR? Just shows off the fact that he's using his sack as a coathook for his wifebeater.

The sunglasses? Thinks he's a porn star. The illegible bling? Bullseye, straight to his superior vena cava – direct shot = bleedout in seconds.

Nuff said

BTW, I dissected the frog while in high school – not worth it then, not worth it now.

There's too much humor in the Salt Lick picture, though his pic2 reveals serious douchitude

6:18 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

The Dissected Frog wins my vote by a chin pube over Robopud.

6:18 pm November, 16 Max said...

For working 12-year-old Lexie, the homoerotic nip pinch of Gunther, and having a head that looks like a black & white cookie, The Salt Lick was born to win.

7:01 pm November, 16 Ohio FJ said...

Salt lick FTW

7:05 pm November, 16 manimal said...

FTW? Please Dissect that Choad-Scroating-Toad!

His Scrotacious perfection of über-Symetrical-Baggery, the greasy polliwog hair growth-ery, and the Sinister Amphibious Guile oozing from his eyes – as he shows studied indifference to his flaxen haired Newt… It's all too powerful.

Plus, speaking of "Newts", isn;t that the child-actor chick who played "Newt" beside Sigorney Weaver in Aliens?

Eerie.

7:10 pm November, 16 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Robopud wins my vote FTW. And by "wins my vote", I mean he threatened to terminate me by killing my grandparents. And he offered by a go at his hotts.

Sorry, bribery will always win my black heart.

The other douches deserve to be stuck in a room with Robopud.

7:28 pm November, 16 Pierre said...

I vote for a Dissected Frogs!

it is displeasing to me. someone became him. and finished and subscribed unjustly.

7:34 pm November, 16 One for the Choad said...

Slow news week. God knows none of these choads will be competing for the monthly.

Dissected Frog FTW, because he's about as gangsta as pineapple upside-down cake.

8:14 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

I return to my standard litmus test for my vote… who's ass do I want to kick the most?

Salt Lick

8:17 pm November, 16 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Oooooh, tough week. Salt Lick is creepy and will soon be forced to register as a sex offender. Robopud has two bleethy bikini hotts, crab abs, and a thumb. While frog has all the cranial signifiers; chin landing strip, plucked eyebrows, spikey hair. Hmmmm, who's the worst offender in this line up?

Salt Lick. This wienis' MO consists of underage trailer trash and flunitrazepam. All the weekly contestants are of very high caliber taint stink, but Salt Lick's level of douchiness is criminal.

8:31 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Salt lick FTW. I'm hoping his glove is highly flammable and that someone is juggling flaming torches in the general vicinity to ignite him. Douche.

9:17 pm November, 16 F McBaggin' said...

Cap'n Bringdown @ 8:43 FTW! Awesome mocking….

9:18 pm November, 16 And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Douche said...

The Dissected Frog FTW, because I wouldn't mind seeing Vera's legs again.

9:24 pm November, 16 Douche Mengia said...

Frog for the gang signs that would get his ass beat in the suburbs.

9:29 pm November, 16 Mitch said...

gotta go salt lick on this one.

9:45 pm November, 16 Mikey said...

Salt Lick, the Mickey Mouse of the HCwDB entertainment universe, FTW!

9:54 pm November, 16 Horace Dangleballs said...

Salt Lick is out. She is not particularly hot, appears to be a special needs student on an expired day pass AND looks to have swallowed enough booze, jizz, and roofies to cripple a better (and of legal age) woman.

Froggy has potential with the already pointed out douche signifiers. He's just trying too hard. I won't vote for a wanna-be.

Robopud for the win. His hotts, while likely a toxic pool of VD, insanity, and stupidity, help him carry the day. But it's the virtual reality goggles he's sporting that put him over the top. You know he's watching himself in some homoerotic version of "300." (Or is that redundant?)

Gross. I feel unclean.

9:58 pm November, 16 DoubleBock said...

With a nod and a shocker salute to F. Scott Fitzgerald's quote, "There are no second acts in American Lives", I vote Dissected Frog/Alpaca Farm Head for the win. His glorious return from the trash heap of history to the HCwDB weekly should inspire us all.

10:04 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Frog is a douche, but I think I could walk up to him, take him out with one punch, and steal his hott. Amphibian's out.

Salt lick tries too hard and makes me laugh at him wrather than wanting to punch him. Plus, he actually acknowledges hott's presence in pic 2, genuine affection? Who knows. Salt gets tabled.

As cliché as Robopud is, that's what makes him top douche: he has it all. Ring bling, neck bling, shaved chest, GSR, douchegoggles, hand gestures, shall I go on? Hell no. May we all hope that this doucheborg isn't popular enough to spawn a crappy sequel (or more). Robopud FTW(L).

-noobbag

10:05 pm November, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

You know, the offerings this week are well, weak, and I don't mean the douche, I mean the hotts. Frog's galpal looks like the corpse of Britney Spears after her SUV was dragged out of the ocean off of PCH-1. Robopud may have some fine ladies there, but due to the pixelly camera-phone shot and theyt fact that they have those giant sunglasses on gives me pause. I've heard it said many a time that giant sunglasses are the sure way for an ugly chick to hide herself and create the illusion of hotnness and I'm inclined to agree. I'm not willing to call a chick hot if she's wearing face paint or a Halloween mask, and giant sunglasses fall into the same disguise vein, IMHO. As for Salt Lick, his X-ed out teenage Bjork gives me the heebie-jeebies. I keep thinking of Curse of the Cat People.

That being said, I'm voting purely on rage factor. Frog is a dumpy Shifty Shylock clone. Salt Lick is more of a sexually confused clown than anything, Dave Coulier meets Mickey Mouse meets Rip Taylor. I can mock, but I an't really hate.

Which brings me to Robopud. Seeming to be the most low-key of the bunch is where his sinister douche aura has its power. Note the GSR, plunging to gagworthy depths. Is that sideball??? Note the abs, flexed to the point of herniating. Please, oh, please, let him have shit himself as soon as he relaxed his abs, an avalanche of wings and beer filling his shorts like a lava flow, speckling the legs of the girls as they shriek and scamper backwards.

Then, there's Blue Steel. Add to that the unfeeling mono-glass of X-Men's Cyclops and you have yourself one lean, mean Douche Machine. RoboPud FTW and by that I mean For The WD-40.

10:16 pm November, 16 HusslinHoosier said...

Robopud, he sucks.

10:35 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

A vote for Robopud here.

Yes, the Frog is frightening, and the homoerotic nipple-twist of Salt Lick is new. But their hotts leave me cold, or at best lukewarm.

Not only is The Pud scrotetacluar, but his Hotts make my pants happy.

10:36 pm November, 16 Troy Tempest said...

Robopud FTW.

Why? Because his douche aura extrudes through the pours of his shriven thorax like a puddle of warm vomit burns though the Charmin.

And the girl on the left aquivereth my loins.

10:43 pm November, 16 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Although Robopud is classic douche, in fact, so classic, that he has classically incorporated the instant classic GSR, he just isn't up to snuff this week. He is too classic for his own good, high in turdocity but low in originality. The Salt Lick on the other hand brings a new element to the douche game, not only through Super Mario gloves and Beetlejuice highlights, but with an air spunky smugness that takes his scroteness to new heights. And by heights, I mean poo. Salt Lick for the win, and his drunk nineteen year old hott for a firm but pleasant spanking.

10:57 pm November, 16 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

^ "air of spunky"

god damn it.

11:06 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

I guess I'll go with Robopud…although I'm a little upset that Trollbag didn't make it. That douche stole his look from the Heat Miser. You remember…"I'm Mister Heat Miser, I'm number one.."

11:07 pm November, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Robopud FTW! Why? He makes me want to tie each of his limbs to a horse and have them run in four different directions. Then I want to take what is left and stomp on it for a while with Doc Martens. The remaining matter should be set on fire and then put into an industrial strength food processor. The remaining ash should be stored deep under the Yucca Mountains with Gollum.

2 hotts + GSR + fake Jesus bling + orange + ab lobster = overwhelming win.

11:32 pm November, 16 OldDog said...

Casa-La-Douche says Robopud FTW

11:47 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

The Dissected Frog, and pass me a lab scalpel so I can remove cute blonde hott from the frog legs of this piece of choadwad.

11:52 pm November, 16 ...und My Name is Haaansel said...

Robopud FTW.

This vote was somewhat difficult because Salt Lick, without a doubt, inspires the most violence within my soul. And, as mentioned when the pic was first posted, the guy on the right knows something illegal, or otherwise wrong, is about to go down. The "Hott" betwixt those two slabs of ball residue jerky is barely conscious and, most importantly, not hot.

Which brings us to Robopud, a classic Hott/douche pairing with what may be the signature douche move of 2009: groin shave reveal. Very prominent punchface as well. Also, Kenzie on the left is quite tantalizing.

Dissected Frog never had a chance.

Robopud FTW.

12:01 am November, 17 David said...

robopud, the hotts take it.

12:19 am November, 17 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Froggie went a-douchin' and he got a hott.

Also, he is perfectly situated to receive the good swift kick to the nads he so thoroughly deserves.

Froggie for the win.

12:56 am November, 17 Southern Scrotic said...

The Dissected Frog FTW

His hott is the most lickable. His face is the most punchable.

1:06 am November, 17 Wheezer said...

Dissected Alpaca Farm Head Frog Boy is another 5'2" hardass from "da projects" of suburbia tryin' way too hard ta keep up wit' 'is big bro, Da Mooze.

Moozer: "Yo, little bro, ya tryin' too hard ta win dis Weekly, yo!

Frog Boy: "'Sup brah? Hey, I'm tired o' livin' in ya shadow an' want my own gig, y'know whut I'm sayin'? Check dis shit out – it's mah 'Hurry and get dis picture done 'cuz I don't care about da biotches' look!"

Moozer: "No, ya gotta keep it simple, stoopid. Like me."

Frog Boy: "No way, bro – I added da highlights for my own special touch, ya dig?"

Moozer: "And dat Salt Lick shit's gonna getcha punk'd by da Robopud FTW."

Far be it from me to argue with the wisdom of big brah Moozer. I go with Robopud and his blast shields FTW over the family douche tradition of Moozer and Dissected Alpaca. Don't forget how he brought some extra game in a Friday Haiku, but Mona and her sideasspear are enough to set my loins afire with lust and rage. And don't underestimate the curves of her BFF Lorianne, whom I wager has quite the spankable booty.

I think I'll go get to some spankin' of my own.

1:15 am November, 17 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

Robopud's hotts are hot, and the studied manner in which he has stowed his rank t-shirt gives us more than a hint of GSR. So his is a casual douchery but not lacking attention to detail, and by detail I mean da one on dat hott in the black bikini.

Meanwhile, disaffected and dissected, the Frog begs the question "what is wrong with his li'l flipper feets?" while Vera begs her legs not to uncross, not even for a second.

Then, finally, we witness the spectacle that is Salt Lick. His is the Gibraltar of douche coifs, and his setting is all that is scrotonoid, replete with an Ed Hardy wearing zombie, a mobile Laotian currency laundering exchange, inexplicable handwear and vacant eyed barely legal hott.

So, as usual, it comes down to which pic smells the worst.

And it is The Salt Lick's. by far.

SL and BLBleeth (with an assist from Nipsterdouche) FTW.

–VS

1:15 am November, 17 Douche Springsteen said...

Robopud. Simply because instead of gazing wistfully at a pair of grade-A hotts I see his stupid face and think of Val Kilmer in Top Gun saying "You're right, I AM DANGEROUS!"

1:51 am November, 17 Matt said...

Salt lick FTW. If he'd only turn that white glove test on himself, he'd see how much poo comes off, and maybe change his ways…

1:57 am November, 17 Mike V. said...

#2 looks like (aside from poo) The Ab Lobster)

2:18 am November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Salt Lick and his Bleethed-out hottie for the weekly get my vote. They'd scare a whole meadow of cattle away from the Morton's block.

2:22 am November, 17 pv1 said...

Usually when I vote on this sort of things I follow my boner's advice. Robopud's hotts make my pants happy. Robopud gets my vote.

2:35 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

The Salt Lick for sure. They look like they type of guys that would pick up a pair of girls at a bar and then suggest they take a "group shower" just so they can see their buddy naked.

And by the way, "guys", pinching your friend's nipple while dressed just like him is so 2007.

2:51 am November, 17 ImageWrangler said...

Well at least this time around there's hotts or almost hotts so morons won't go voting for just the douchebag without the reading comprehension on what this site is actually about.

/rant

Obi Wan would say of Robopud "these ARE the hemorrdroids you're looking for."

Robopud FTW.

3:05 am November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

I've been ribbetted by the Frog's spikey hair, given the fact that Frogs are hairless creatures. Even his Sarah Jessica Parker-lookalike hott howls a big CHECK for a YES. At least her houndstooth checks do…

And his hand-signals also say YES, I am a big douchebag, get off my LILY-PAD!!!

3:12 am November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Robopud's hotts are a whole lot HOTTER than his douche is.

But his sunglasses are a whole lot BUGGIER than Hotts' shadescreens.

And while boobies tend to droop when not haltered carefully enough, his white drooper of a towel and tie-string belt suggest there is more droop here than meets the nekkid eye.

Droop is not enough to get him the weekly. He shall droop in this threesome of douche candidates.

3:12 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

I know this won't count and is purely for my own self interest, but my vote is for the "Trollbag", mainly because he represents everything I hate about the human race, and his three hotts remind me of my 2 1/2 ex-wives, which also represent everything I hate about the human race.

3:49 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Robopud!

Groin Shave Reveal puts him far and away the most disgusting thing on this site. The only redeeming quality he has is being able to choose USDA Choice hotts.

The one on the left, to borrow a phrase from Good Morning Vietnam, was designed by a Jewish scientist named Dr. Heinrich Feintush. The one on the right makes me want to do a bad Al Jolson imitation ("MAMMARY! How I love ya!")

B-B-B-Bag To The Bone

4:12 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

Tough call. I have to go with Robopud. The Salt Lick merely annoys, while Robopud makes me want to cave his skull in with can of Axe.

5:36 am November, 17 Summer's Eve said...

Tough week.

Salt was my first choice, but maybe just because I detest his [further] sullying of the name "American" as he slimes across Eurasia (can I pretend he's Aussie and got thrown out of that bar? Pleeze?).
And the Mickey Mouse nipple pinch: *wow*.
His date with Jerry Lee Lewis's wife, however, while disgusting on many levels, might not be considered douchy per se. Just worthy of criminal charges. But little girls who grew up waaay too fast aren't really HC's either.

Froggy-went-a-courtin' is merely giggle worthy to me. While many of you boys judge on whom you'd most like to punch/castrate/kick in the ass/all-of-the-above, I go for the who-makes-me-laugh-at-them-the-loudest. And like I said, Froggy makes me giggle.

I'm going with Le Pud. And when I say going with, I mean laughing at, while I sit at the table next to him and stare and get my friends to look at him too, and he thinks we're checking him out so he poses in a nonchalant way to present himself better which causes us to start laughing out loud, and just a little too soon, because we were trying to surreptitiously get a photo but he catches on and tries to act like he doesn't know we're laughing at him so he leaves.

Shit.
I almost got a great shot.

His girls, too – wow. The gym junkie on the left has amazing definition in her arms and an ass I never had even as a teenaged gymnast competing in the Junior Olympics, winning the Silver on uneven bars, beat out for the Gold by spunky, pert, and effervescent Marilou Retton, the little bitch. But the gal on the right – I am fascinated by her trashiola swimsuit. A whole swath of chains dangling on one side. Avoid contact with water to prevent its turning green.

Yep, Robopud and his hotts FTW. The hottest hotts and the purest pH balance in his vinegar and water bag.

But he's dust in the wind for the Annual Douchies…

5:40 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

Robopud… and that asspear…

5:52 am November, 17 Anonne Huntress said...

Salt Lick ftw. If the only way you can get a barely legal chick while looking like that is to drug her until she can barely stand, you are a douche of epic proportions.

Robopud is a strongly orange douche with the GSR, but you have to realize that chicks that look like his (and Josephine) tend to LIKE that stuff. It looks like the photo was taken in Miami or Southern California. That kind of douchiness is par for the course there.

Freaks like Salt lick shouldn't get away with looking like he does. As for the dissected frog/alpaca farm head… his chick isn't hot enough and he isn't freak enough to overcome that to get my vote, like Poopaloompa.

Salt Lick (aka Mr. Rohypnol) most definitely is.

6:14 am November, 17 Steve L. said...

Robopud FTW. if you put all three contestants of this weekly into a party, Dissected Frog will be forced to become Robopud's sidekick and Salt Lick will call it a night 5 hours before Robopud does, thus leaving Robopud triumphantly douchey. why does Salt Lick always look like he just came out of a marathon cocksucking session with Gus?

in any case, Robopud FTW.

6:15 am November, 17 Steve L. said...

and y'know, i'm starting to believe that the Frog may be a wingman for hire. he gets paid to make other douchebags look good so they can defile the hotts. and when he gets paid, he goes home to the 300lb chunk of space debris that he does not want to call his girlfriend. a truly sad fate for a douchebag.

6:41 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

The salt lick leaves a taste in my mouth, and it is not salt. It is only douche.

7:07 am November, 17 YES, THAT MUTHUFUCKA!! said...

100!

Bow and worship at my feet you sniveling little SLAPWHOARS!!

2:06 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Salt Lick. Just look at him. He's got bleached douche hair, constipated douche facial expression, awkward douche nipple pinch on is now sexually confused bro.
His hott looks confused too, as if she's saying "who is this douche, and why do I feel so sleepy after that drink he bought me?".

At least he took proper precautions before executing the nipple pinch and put on a hazmat suit glove, so that maybe he wouldn't infect his bro any further. It may already be too late though; he already has an earring, ink sleeves, forearm band, spikey hair and a big blingy watch.

The matching wife beater shirts don't help their cause either.

A truly scrotacular picture

2:18 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Salt Lick FTW…

2:51 pm November, 17 Maxim Kovalenko said...

I'm gonna go with Robopud. He's like the Terminator, sent here from the future to kill baghunters and proclaim "I'll be douche".

The GSR, and Mona on the left truly merit a sequel, and push him into the winners spot.

2:52 pm November, 17 Maxim Kovalenko said...

And he's got the T2 affirmative thumbs up thing going on too.

3:33 pm November, 17 ehcuodouche said...

Robopud.

5:46 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

The Salt Lick. He's pinching man nipple…while wearing white gloves…before going to prison for violating a 15 year-old.

6:11 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Salt Lick.

7:27 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Is it too late to nominate Squeezing Your Buddy's Nipple for Douchiest Hand Gesture in the 2009 Douchies?

Regardless, Salt Lick wins.

10:52 pm November, 17 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

I'm torn between three examples of mediocritic doucheness.

It is hard to pick one. Froggy, because he's a jumping jackass with shitstained hair? Robopud with his kissylips, orange spray tan, Celtic Jesus bling, and his sciatic hotts? Salt Lick, with his way underage drugged girlfriend, douchey friends, and a picture that has so many examples of what is wrong with our culture?

I can't flip a coin, because it'd be unfair because someone gets "rim."

I'll pick a number between 1 and 9. 1-3, 4-6, 7-9. Better yet, I'll have someone else pick a number. Hang on a second.

Just asked admin assistant, who said 4.

Robopud it is.

1:03 am November, 18 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

A good quad of Douchebags here, but I have to go with the Salt Lick. His stoopid hair, stoopid tatts, and my mother's white satin gloves from the 1950's take the cake. The drunken 16 year old he hooked is just icing on that cake.

2:55 am November, 18 Doo Schnozzle said...

Salt Lick had a very strong week. And by strong, I mean douche.

3:34 am November, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

I like Anonymous's ref to an ISO standard for douchebaggery. However, there is no such thing as Quality Assurance on this site. That's why we mock'em to the end. Now, there MIGHT be a standard for Smackdowns….

Just sayin', cuz I usually don't pay no 'tention to ANONS.

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